Friday, April 29, 2005

Keep your mouth shut...but listen to the world inside

'Real World's' Garrett socked in the eye (FROM PHILLY.COM)

REAL WORLD Philadelphia" castmate M.J. Garrett was assaulted Thursday at a West Chester bar.
The unprovoked attack on the former Vanderbilt football player took place inside The Rat (High & Linden), where Garrett was making a promotional appearance.
Out of nowhere, a guy ran up and hit Garrett with a haymaker punch and then landed one more jab, says Garrett pal/agent Mark Block, who was standing with Garrett at the bar when the sucker-puncher approached.
The assault was likely the result of a bar bet. One eyewitness says she heard a guy offer another guy $200 to punch Garrett, who turns 25 next month. Block also says he heard it was a dare. Block says Garrett's face was pretty banged up afterward but that the MTV star kept his cool and didn't go after the guy.
Club security caught the culprit and held him until West Chester police arrived, says Block, who saw the attacker in handcuffs, but was not sure whether he was arrested.
West Chester Police could not answer questions about the incident over the weekend.

I watched just about every episode of Real World Negadelphia this past season...alright I watched EVERY episode, and all more than once. This cast interested me though because I feel they represented our depressed generation. They represented kids I knew in college or a certain "group" of kids. Sarah was the girl with the eating disorder whose parents were the problem. Willie was the gay kid that all the girls in your college sweated, and were all hoping for that "Will and Grace" thing to happen to them someday. Landon was the whiter than white frat boy who loved Jagermeister, and just being a "Wingman." M.J. was the athlete who acted like he was cool with everyone, but under it all he was an elitist who thought there should have been a statue of him outside an arena somewhere. Shavonda was someone who absolutely had no sense of identity and painfully followed the crowd. I felt like there wasn't an ounce of sincerity when she spoke. She also represents the college friend you had who constantly bickered on the phone with their long distance relationship partner. Melanie was the hot girl from school that was always tagged as underrated, but no one pursued her simply because she "sucked." Karamo could have had his own reality show. He is an angry black man who struggles with the fact that he is gay and has severe emotional problems. He embodies three real world personalities in one cast member. Those who casted the house members for this past season must have been drooling over Karamo. I can hear the meeting with the casting director, "Well he's black and proud, gay as the day is long, has trouble communicating with others AND he has an unusual NAME! This kid is a dream come true!"
Chuck Klosterman:
wrote a wonderful book titled "Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs", which is labeled as a low culture manifesto: .
In this book he examines the troll-likeness of Tom Cruise, and he has an interesting theory about the Real World, which holds some relevance to how I feel about the most recent season. He notes that (bear with me) the "Real World becomes the Real World becomes the Real Word." What he means by this is that we subconsciously emulate and accept what is fed to us through the media world, and these things are applied in our worlds. The Real World made co-ed living something to be desired. People see this on MTV feel it's what everyone is doing these days--take these feelings and apply them to their world. The whole having a gay friend/roomate concept is brought into a larger scale, and becomes something that is sought out by people. My Will and Grace comment from above represents this idea. Maybe the idea of Will and Grace was sparked by this Real World idealism. These "characters" that we see on the Real World become blueprints for TV tainted brains. I obviously am part of Klosterman's beliefs with my rundown of how all the characters from Philly represnt people that I knew in college. So the characters that we see on the show become more tangible. We feel like we know someone just like them, but is it because we have been watching for over a decade?

I suggest that book to anyone who has ever watched TV. There is a chapter of the book where he makes Saved By the Bell "thesis" worthy...thats a feat in itself.


Not a movie, but do you remember this ridiculous show?

BRONSON! who is he assasinating with that gun...Kirstie Alley?

You should feel robbed if you ever saw this movie:

I used to love this movie:

It's Friday...I am going to look around for reality TV stars who are making appearances at bars tonight. GODSPEED

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Put your ray gun to my head

Back to the pencil thin...

Looks like the skinniest moustache in reality television history has a bit of a checkered past. Scott Savol, who is headed for a spot on The Surreal Life 17, used the phone to hit his girlfriend when she refused to dial up the local pizza joint for a delivery. Look at this pinchable little face: . I claimed yesterday that this cat is going to win American Idol, and apparently no one agrees with me. recently posted an article questioning why this portly crooner has yet to be voted off. Here are some of the genius answers:

"My guess is that people feel bad for him," said Jillian Kuras, who covers "Idol" for the Web site Reality TV Calendar. "I've gotten literally dozens of e-mails from voters who say that Scott deserves a second chance and that since he apologized for his past he should be given that chance. Surprisingly, people seem to think that physically abusing a woman is not a big deal."'s no big deal.

"I think Scott represents a lot of Generation Y," added Sting7, Reality News Online's resident "Idol" expert. "The kids who are told they won't amount to anything by their parents, the guys who are too fat to date the cheerleaders, not cute enough to be popular in their circles. Simon himself said 'Idol' was created with Scotts in mind, because on his own, Scott would never get a record deal. Scott is kind of an everyman who found himself with a golden opportunity, and there are those out there who are supporting his unlikely dream."

I am pretty sure Steven Hawking has a time machine stashed away somewhere, and I am going to contact him so I don't have to be considered part of Generation Y. Sooooo Generation Y is filled with fat kids who are hated by all cheerleaders? Overweight Generation X kids had a better chance at dating cheerleaders..right? Fat kids in 1937 didn't date cheerleaders! Portly, skinny stached/neck -bearded kids haven't had a chance to make out since pom-pom's were invented. Everyone has had a character like Scott Savol encounter them at some point in time. In my elementary, high school, and college years there was always an overweight white kid who dressed like Fat Joe straight chilling. This "everyman" can be see in just about any social setting and it's about time they rise out of the ashes. All of us has seen a Scotty on the subway or on a school's campus...give it up for: "that ghetto white dude."

I will try to stop writing about this clown, but he is an absolute phenomenon.


He got so big people only referred to him as BRONSON! (Read the taglines):

They decided to leave out the black guy:

He was also in Leonard Part 6:

Have the DVD:

I'm out like the quintuplets

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

A Fever on Saturday Night

Things I noticed...

I got roped into watching American Idol for one performance last night and without having watched any other episodes I am going to make a prediction. The fat kid with the horrible NECK beard, and LUDICROUSLY skinny stashe is going to win:
There was a segment on last night's episode where they interviewed his parents who labeled their son as a "regular joe." Give the guy some credit. His face is so chubby that he has trouble opening his eyes and has lost all ability to show expression when he is performing. Of course Simon blasted him at the end with a comment like this: "Pack your bags you portly louse." Paula Abdul wasn't available to comment because she was looking for her Vicodin prescription so MC Skat Kat from the Opposite's Attract video stood in for her : .
Despite being ripped apart by the panel I still believe he is going win because he has something that Record Execs seek: a white man who sings like a black man. Being able to market a big cuddly white guy who can sing like Luther Vandross is a record company's dream.

I was talking to some Scranton University Alumni this past weekend and they revealed to me that John Basedow's nephew attended Scranton and had some interesting things to say about his wax uncle. Apparently Basedow is a total asshole! Am I upset? fact my love for Basedow grows after hearing such news. His nephew mentioned that he makes an ass of himself around the holidays. At thanksgiving he shits on everyone at the dinner table for not being in shape. When someone picks up the gravy boat he lets out a sigh of disgust if he feels they aren't fit enough. When someone asks for seconds he looks at them with a twisted look on his face and quips, "SECONDS?" The only good thing about Basedow and thanksgiving is that he chases down the turkey and kills it with his bare hands before the feast. He then wipes the turkey blood all over his face doesn't wash it off when the family sits down to eat.

Mini Basedow:

In case you forgot this is Basedow:

Pic of Basedow before he ripped through the tsunami:
(That link is long I know, but sooooo worth it)


Van Damme reveals what he really is...a :

The guys at top are shooting estremely close to one another:

Wow...the subliminal sex isn't so subliminal here:

Word to your mother

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

All the Rage

I was drivng past an all girls private school the other day while the field hockey team was warming up and something caught my eye. There was a 6'5 freshman with braces, pigtails, the shoulders of Lavar Arrington, and she was holding a field hockey stick that looked like a toothpick. After I saw this article it all made more sense: .
This saddens and amazes me because I am sickened by the alarming number of woman with serious body image problems, and TEENAGE GIRLS ON STEROIDS?
This quote alone should make you shudder:

Lloyd Johnston, a University of Michigan professor who heads an annual government-sponsored survey on risky behavior by young people, said: "Other than pedophilia, this is the most secret behavior I've ever encountered."

And this quote should make you shit:

"Talking about supplements and steroids needs to start in the third grade," Small said. "If you wait till ninth grade, it's too late."

The THIRD GRADE? I think I was still getting in trouble for eating paste in third grade. Imagine a young catholic school girl lifting up her plaid skirt and injecting steroids into her butt at morning recess? This is something that will continue to baffle and upset me.

Steroids are the hot things these days thanks to Jose Canseco and Congress. Any press is good press and steroid abuse is bad press that generates success. They are going to start testing EVERYONE for steroids soon. The recent winner of the Westminster Best In Show just submitted a blood and urine sample...resultes are to be determined.
There have been whispers of more intense steroid screenings in pro football, and we all know how tainted the olympics have been in recent years due to performance enhancing drugs. On the cover of the Sports section in the Phildelphia Inquirer today we see pictures of Lenny Dykstra and Marion Jones. Two juiced famous faces. Lenny wasn't a surprise to anyone, but Marion Jones was an american darling. She was a atheltic female role model. Tragically her image has been destroyed by allegations and denial of steroid use. Maybe these young girls who are using steroids had pictures of Marion Jones hanging in their lockers.
John Kruk is quoted in the (Inquirer) article saying that he never saw any signs of steroid abuse in the Phillies clubhouse, and that he is surprised to hear the Dykstra news. The former first baseman then admitted to injecting turkey gravy in his ass before the 94 season.

Everyone is juicing up these days! Who's next to be nabbed for steroid abuse? I have compiled a list:
Harry Potter
Conan O'Brien
Earl Boykins
Sinbad "He needs press before releasing Houseguest 2: Back on the Couch"
The lead singer of Creed
Martha Stewart
Tony the Tiger "He has been jacked like... forever"
John Clayton of ESPN fame. He needs a one up on Sean Salisbury.


It looks the the roles that Matt Leblanc got on Friends as a struggling actor were made into real movies.

I would be happy if I wasn't Michael Rappaport too:

Another look into the future marking the arrival of SUV's:

Great earring Sly:

I'm out like the Sixers in the first round

Friday, April 22, 2005


Have you ever seen that commercial on TV for Fitness Made Simple? If you aren't sure just look at this meatstick----->
Now do you know what I am talking about? The legendary John Basedow is the founder and host of Fitness Made Simple, and he has been dominating your commericials with an out of date ad for years. Despite his lean ripped to shreds frame there is something off. Every picture of him looks like it was photo-shopped. His head looks permanently superimposed, and it doesn't seem to move much. Look here: . I don't really want to look this this mutant, but apparently he has been selling his product and is well known in the world of meat heads.
Well I heard an amazing rumor that he died in the tsunami. (I am not laughing at the tsunami...just Basedow). Apparently he was visiting the island of Phuket to whip some Thai people into shape as the tsunami hit: . That link isn't from some joke news website either. I honestly can't seem Basedow bowing down to such a force. He seems to have more strengh than any natural disaster. I could imagine him standing on the beach with his arms open waiting fo the tsunami to come hit him. He would be yelling at people on the beach, "GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! I AM GOING TO USE MY MUTANT BODY TO RETARD THE PROGRESS OF THIS DEVASTATING WAVE!" His sleek frame would cut through that tsunami like a knife. No way Basedow would be defeated by's too weak. The only natural force that he can't conquer is fire...but who can defeat fire? Just hearing someone say Basedow was killed in the Tsunami is enough to make me lose it.
Apparently Basedow is pretty upset by the rumor and if you noticed he posted a note about it on his website (the second link).
It hard to believe that someone who doesn't even look real is dead anyway. In fact Basedow might be a hologram, android, mongloid, or created by the governement. Has anyone ever seen him in person? I didn't think so. So not only do we wonder if he died in the Tsunami, BUT does Basedow even exist? I just ordered the five set DVD.

A hilarious Basedow his quote:

Apparently there are some serious Basedow haters out there. They are just jealous:


Basedow's favorite movie:

He is looking at porn on the net:

Michael J. finally reaches puberty:

No Rappers rock this ugly poster:

I'm out like a blod vessel on Basedow's abs.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Like white girls on NBA PLAYAS!

That above title can be seen and heard at the end of the trailer for the upcoming disaster flick King's Ransom. A woman proclaims that she will "stick to two men (who I think are employees) like white girls to NBA Playas!" Remember the wide eyed woman from the Police Academy movies with the painful squeaky voice? Well I thought she was the one who delivered this amazing line, but I was proven wrong. It was the woman with the annoying voice who gave confidence to all the fat kids on Boston Public.

I read that she wore a fat suit for all the Police Academy Movies!


When Boston Public first came on I watched it every week for a long time. I never really had a TV show that I watched on a regulas basis, and this was supposed to be the one. Unfortunately Boston Public's plotlines spiraled out of control so fast that there was no turning back. The teaching staff was georgeous that they all slept with each other and their students. I recall one episode where an obese girl who is teased constantly is urged to join the BOYS wrestiling team to gain confidence and popularity?????? She thinks about it and all the teachers decide it is a good idea...except Marla Hendricks, who is in the King's Ransom preview. So the student decides to join the wrestling team and appear in front of the whole school wearing a singlet and participating in a boys wrestling match. She being a heavyweight is the last match in the her abusers anxiously await her appearance all match long.

Her moniker was THE BLOB, which was heard continously throughout her wrestling match by the students. They sounded like a brain washed cult...BLOB....BLOB....BLOB. One jerk even managed to make a BLOB sign and hold it up at the gym while she was wrestling. Imagine doing anything in life, and someone coming in with a sign that mentions one of your biggest insecurities? You sit down at your office one day and a co-worker stands next to you with their arms raised holding a sign that says HORRIBLE BREATH. This might be the cruelest move ever captured on television next to the episode of The Fresh Prince when Will's biological father breaks a promise. His estranged father was a truck driver who promised Will he would take him on the road with him for a couple of months. He breaks the bad news to Will as he is holding his bags ready to hit the road. He give Will the could shoulder, which was devastating because he old man was never around. Will is heartbroken and turns to Uncle Phil and shouts, "WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME MAN!" This episode ripped my heart right out of my goddamn chest.

ANYWAY. Back to this fateful Boston Public episode. The Blob ends up winning the wrestling match by simply laying on her opponent prompting even more venom from the crowd. The students are cheering and laughing at the same time, as the ref holds her hand up in the air as the victor. SUDDENLY the Blob drops! She hits the mat with a thud, and the crowd grows silent. What happened to the Blob? One student quips with the arrival of a few chuckles. Turns out the Blob DIED! This girl actually died at the end of the episode! I couldn't believe it. The notion of the schools go-to fat girl being on the men's wrestling teams is out of control to begin with. (I know there aren't girls wrestling teams, but I feel the need to emphasize) She then is humiliated by the whole school in an extreme fashion, which ultimately leads to her death. She had a heart attack on the mat because she pushed herself to hard.
This is an example of what looked like a decent show being scared of low ratings, and getting their writers to to come up with trashy stories that will stun viewers. I understand this strategy to lure people in, but this went way way to far. If Boston Public ever comes out on DVD I will buy it just to watch Episode 173: "The Blob's Lament and Eventual Demise"

One more thing...Michael Rappaport was brought in mid second season to help boost ratings as well. That's all I have to write.


A politcally correct WHITE DEVIL!:

James Bond in a Graduate Remake?:

The Origianl concept for the Whoopi Classic "Eddie"

Best tag line ever:

I'm out like the Cavaliers

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

It's so cold in this house

Playoffs clinched. O'brien will be back next year. Give Igoudala the ROY. Give Rodney Rogers the South Beach Diet. Give Webber a walker. Give Willie Green a chance. Give John Salmons a Roanoke Dazzle jersey. Give Aaron McKie his gold watch. Give Dalembert a contract. Give Korver a role off the bench. Give Kevin Ollie his manhood. Give Josh Davis to Europe. Give Marc Jackson away. Give us all a 6th seed in the playoffs.
Imagine if the Sixers got the Celtics in the first round of the playoffs and O'brien gets a chance to reign supreme over the team that disgusted him? Obie just woke up one morning to the sound of two Bostonians with ridiculous accents arguing outisde his window, and decided it was time to leave. He wanted to come home. Jimmy didn't like Danny Ainge's vision, and in his usual surly way he touched the bottom of his nose with his lower lip, and sauntered out of the Fleet Center. He seems to wear the bitter beer face every once in a while, especially when surrounded by the media.
We have won 8 of 10 and if you call this surging...than we are doing it at the right time. Iverson has been jacking up everything, but his shooting percentage of late has been above average. His assists have increased throughout this mini-run, and Webber and he are starting to perfect that high pick and roll that puts a smile on both of their faces as they get back on D. The Bulls can beat the Pacers to get us closer to that 6th seed. Chicago has been playing well at home this year, but we need Andres Nocioni to leave his boxing gloves in the locker room. Of course Austin Croshere will go 15/20 from the field and grab 18 boards to spoil our hopes and dreams. We need to beat the Hotlana Squawks as well in our final regualr season game on Wednesday. But we all know that Boris Diaw-Riffiod will have 34 points and Royal Ivey will have about 17 dimes and 24 points deflate the sixers playoffs dreams.
I am just happy that their season is extended. Some might say that being a low seed in the playoffs doesn't mean much to the franchise. We don't have a first round pick this year and we have young talent that is going to thrive with some playoff experience. The negative air swirling around a low playoff spots needs to cease. Making the playoffs is good on a karma level that is hard to pinpoint. It's good for the city, players, coaches, and fans. Making the playoffs 6 out of the last 7 years is nothing to be crying about either. So sit back, take your attention away from the Phils for about 2 of their 359 games this season, and root for the boys.


I have been annoyingly promoting Bloc Party to anyone who makes eye contact with me and I decided to include some lyrics from one of their songs that I feel is beastly. It can work on so many levels. It can be seen it as a cry from one friend to another about the loss of innocence. What ever happend to the days when we didn't need to chemically alter ourselves to have a good time? It could be a cry from parents to their kids who don't need to be tucked into bed anymore. It's doesn't come across as some winer about their darkness that surrounds people. Like most of their songs, rays of hope burst through the cracks in the pavement. This is a song for all of us as a matter of fact. It is inviting us to come back to the surface and take a breath. Kele Okereke,the lead singer listened to The Police when he was growing up and so did Matt Tong, the drummer. These guys are going to save us all.



And you're tired of your Mum
And you're tired of your Dad
Got you jumping through hoops
Got you shaving your legs
Let it pass, let it pass, let it pass over you
And you're tired of your face
And you're tired of your nose
Got you jumping through hoops
Got you shaving your legs
Let it pass, let it pass, let it pass over you
And your nose is bleeding
You've been lying to me
There will be no hesitation
There will be no confrontation
There will be no indication
There will be no cause
There will be no exultation
There will be no justification
There will be no way at all
And your nose is bleeding
You've been lying to me
Come back to me the the way you were
The way you were when we were young
I'm trying to tell you everything
I'm trying to tell you everything
I can heal the blind
I can cure the sick
I can say the right things
I can say the right things
Where d'you get so cruel
Where do you go
Cos you're never here
And your nose is bleeding
You deserve it
You've been lying to me


original title:
wow i wonder if ET is the story of Jesus Christ:

Peace to the Gods.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

i'll snatch the dishes out yo kitchen

I had to be in work at midnight tonight so I slept through the whole Sixers game, but I couldn't be more pleased with the win. Marc Jackson didn't play much so you weren't able tally his touches/shots stat.
The woman that I work with on this delightful graveyard shift is a complete moron, who has a disorder that doctors have yet to discover. She has a little tourettes, a pinch of paranoia, a hint of depression and there is no filter in ther brain. Her brain never says, "Hey maybe you shouldn't say that out loud." I have never met someone so brash. She can offend you just by looking at you, and makes anti-semitic comments with Jewish co-workers in earshot. Actual quote: "Anne (a co-worker) has her profile on (Jewish dating website) typical of a jew...never venturing outside their religion when it comes to relationships." That's what I mean about not having a filter on her brain. We were talking outside the office once, and she accidentaly farted mid-sentence. She paused for a second...looked at me, and just kept talking. I must say she was pretty good post fart. She kept rolling with the convo after she released. It made the situation less akward. That's the only thing that she has done that warrants any sort of credibility.

Check out this Rushmore poster, which I believe is from France. Doesn't quite capture Wes Anderson's typical boldly colored, straight out of a boarding school from new england style. I always thought it was interesting how the international posters differed from the American ones. I guess it all has to do with marketing, but does the culture that Anderson presents so well in his films not translate across the pond? His films always seem to have a character(s) that strive(s) to be something else. Everyone seems to have lost all sense of family. The three social misfits in Bottle Rocket are totally lost in their own neighborhoods. The main character, Anthony(Luke Wilson) finds himself with the help of a latino hotel worker. Max Fisher is the son of the barber who sits next to the son of the brain surgeon at Rushmore Academy. He is out of place and gravitates toward a British kindergarten teacher, and eventually falls for an asian girl from the local public school.
Is Anderson saying something about American people here? Now I don't think that Anderson is one of these celebrities who bashes the US, but his films have a foreign influence. The wealthy students at Rushmore represent the elitist attitude that Americans are labeled with. In Bottle Rocket Bob's brother, Futureman (maybe the best movie name ever) is the country club prick that we all know who snarls at those who don't wear collared shirts. Does this all represent his feelings of an America that has lost it's sense of family? (I have yet to see Life Aquatic so I can't comment on it)
The main characters in Bottle Rocket and Rushmore found a home with women who were from a world far from their own. In Royal Tennenbaums we have a family that faded out of the blue and into the black in a ferocious manner. This "Family of Geniuses" became a family of lost souls. The demise of the Tennebaum family was something that the media thrived on. We watched Richie crumble on the Tennis court. Royal was a famous lawyer who did jail time for letting that bit of larceny in his soul take over. Margot is an estranged playwright. Eli totally lost hit mind on a talk show. The mother who had lauded her family for so long ends up looking like a fool. Failure is something that we all can't evade, and seeing those who were once above you fail is satisfying to many. This publice demise of the Tennenbaum family is another example of the breakdown of the American family. The Tennenbaums being the Jones'...the perfect family we all envied, but eventually reveled in their fall from grace. Just look at the Kennedy family So once again Anderson is not anti-american. He too wonders what has happened to all of us. He just has the amazing ability to present our faults in such a gorgeous and hilarious format.


Doesn't this poster seem a bit racist?

That is Denzel in his first movie by the way.

I got to see this...great tagline:

The Gay Indy?

He never dissapoints:

I'm out like King's Ransom

Friday, April 15, 2005

Smoke and Guns

Well there isn't much room for me to complain about last nights thrilling OT victory by the Sixers. Of course I can complain about Webbooooooer, and his inability to run. I take that back. Chris can't even lightly jog down the court let alone sprint back to add some more defensive pressure. He did hit that jumper to tie the game up at 102 apiece at a critical point in the fourth quarter. You could just see the relief on his face after he sank that thing too. Webber was being pelted with Boo's all night, and there is no way he is blocking it all out. The strongest earplugs in the world couldn't muffle the sound of a true Negadelphian's piercing boo, that is laced with the smell of a 7 dollar Bud Light. His final numbers were 7-16 from the field with 15 points and 10 boards. Solid game...I know this, BUT he is dragging that leg. He might be at 75% right now, and I am being nice with that figure. Let the icing continue to pile on the Webber poop cake.
Doug Collins mentioned that Igoudala could be an All-Star someday, and constantly compared him to Scottie Pippen, whom Collins coached when he was a rookie in Chicago. This is promising considering that Pippen is in the top 50, and was overshadowed by the biggest athlete in the history of hoops. I am overly impressed with this kid. He looks like Scottie out there. Remember how athletic and under control Pippen would look when he was sailing down the hardwood? I am seeing the same things out of Iggy...and their rookie year numbers are almost identical. How can you not appreciate a stat stuffer? The kid had 19 points and 10 boards last night. He is a shooting guard who hardly shoots...very impressive.
DWAYNE WADE! Are you serious? This kid is a flat out superstar, and every article you read mentions what a character guy he is. His performance in the NCAA tourney was outstanding, and he didn't miss a beat when he entered the NBA. He has a little Clyde Drexler in him combined with willingness to sacrifice his body and the smoothness of Kobe. He is one of the leaders of this new NBA revolution. Look at the draft from his class . If Darko ever takes the bleach out of his hair it will be one of the best draft classes ever. By the way that's why he sucks...bleaching your hair is a tremendous no-no. It's just a horrible look, and Eminen isn't an exception. He was much cooler with dark hair in 8 Mile as B-rabbit, friend of Chedda Bob. Dudes who like cars with flame decals bleach their hair.

This made my whole month:

I'm out like the Beluga Whale in the Delaware

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I slayed MC's back in the rec room era

101-98 Celtics with 32.3 remaining. Inbounds to Iverson...he penetrates and dishes to a Marc Jackson who is of course ready for a 20 foot jumper...he shoots...CLINKITY CLANK. The previous posession when the Sixers had the ball Jackson decides to take it himself and misses a layup. Iverson was just dumping it to him to get some movement, but of course Jackson is like Stallone in Over the Top. When he turns his trucker hat backwards it's like a switch. Stallone is in the zone when his arms are locked up with some meathead when he turns that cap. When Jackson touches the ball a switch goes off in his head as well...SHOOOOT MARC...MARC WITH A "C"....SHOOT. ONCE AGAIN PROVES MY THEORY. I am sure you are all sick of hearing this...or the 3 people who read this crap everyday (Thanks Mom Dad and Grandmom). It's just so frustrating.
Another good call by O'Brien was leaving Mckie on Pierce at the end of the game. Igoudala had 5 fouls! He didn't foul out! Put him in with a minute left and let him cover that sulking no shouldered bastard.
Webber might commit suicide by the end of the season. Do you see how sad he looks when he sits on that bench? He is constantly staring throughout the Wachovia Center hoping the Maloof brothers will pop up somewhere. He looks up in the nosebleeds for them holding a COME HOME CHRIS! sign in their money stained hands. He is hoping this is just a really long April Fool's joke, but it is just punishment. Just icing on the Webber poop cake. His sealed his fate with that timeout/technical and put the nail in his own coffin with that rap CD. There seems to be a cloud hovering over Webber's head at all times. He is likea real life Charlie Brown, and that damn football keeps getting yanked out from under him wherever he goes. Remember when he was on the Bullets with Rasheed and Ben Wallace? He was also part of RUN T.M.C, which was Tim Hardaway, Chris Mullin, and Chris. Two great threesomes, who didn't last long, but had such potential. Then he goes to the Kings who were cursed by Robert Horry and too many foreigners. Sorry Chris you just are one of those's the Cosmic Shame man.

remember this?

I'm out like Kevin Federline when Britney has that baby.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

listen to bloc party

I often frequent the website (Internet Movie Database) and I highly reccomend it to anyone who has ever SEEN a movie. It works so well becuause your film knowledge grows with each click of a URL. Don't even know if that is the right term, but they are way too many made up internet words. Just like numbers and the concept of time.
This is site where I find movie posters that are amusing. He is an example: . One of the most engaging things on this site is the message boards. I use them to find out certain songs that were in movies and their trailers, which can be quite useful. I find out more about new bands that intrgue me through film rather than other forms of media. Postal Service is an interesting band that I discovered through the MIGHTY IMDB. They sound like sad kids singing over the soundtrack to old final fantasy games for Nintendo.
So I gave in and signed up as a member so I could be a fanboy and post stuff on these message boards. One thing that unsettled me about these things is how people react to posts. Internet geek-boys (there is a made up internet word for creative) are all over these things shitting on people and what they have to say about movies. People who have such a distored view of "high and low" art. I find Predator 2 to be a hyper stylized view of what people in 1990 saw South Central Los Angeles in the future. The film was made in 90, but taked place in 97. It portrays modern LA as a drug ridden warzone that is glamourized by the media...making it thrive even more. I think it says alot about what the filmakers thought of the media's coverage of crime in America and what modern America might look like, but they did it in the style of so many 90's action films. Unbelievable amounts of violence and blood. The always entertaining nude scenes. Usually with a woman riding some drug lord right before he is killed. These are how these films were made. It is an action film, and you have to appreciate the formula! I could go on forever, but I will get to my point...I swear.
Could I be totally wrong? OF COURSE! Does it even matter? NO. Why? Because we shouldn't be judged on what affect a film has on us. But theses message board assholes would have ripped me to pieces for my thoughts on Predator 2. Yes I know it is a sequel with Danny Glover!
So I decided to start posting false things about the Paul Thomas Anderson. The guy who directed Boogie Nights and Magnolia. Two films that might be in my top ten, but that is for another time. I made up a ludicrous rumor about his next film being about the OJ simpson chase.
Check it name is Bobby Digital. My first post starts in the middle of the page. As my buddy Galvin would say..."these people are jerk stores."

This is tame compared to how some jerk stores react to what people have to say. I will continue to post.

SOme more Posters:

You can always count on stallone...especially when he makes a movie about an arm wrestling estranged father with a gay son who wears tight white pants. When he turns his hat around it is like a switch. This one is worth the 5.99 at the DVD baragain bin.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Lebron's dong

The Sixers reached the .500 mark again last night with a 3 point win over the Bobcats (106-103). Of course they had a 26 point lead at one time, which was chipped away by stellar defense on our part. I love Kyle Kutcher, but he shouldn't be starting folks. He has alot of things going for him: the quick release, he will chuck threes all game, floopy hair, and the fan favorite white guy thing. He's too slow to be out there playing so much defense. Bring him off the bench to provide a boost in scoring, which will lead to Marc Jackson rebounds and immediate putbacks. Once again my theory is proven true about Marc Jackson. Listen to the Sixers on the radio and it becomes more evident. Just listen to how many times McGinnis mentions the ball going down low to him and how many times he shoots. Last night he averaged about 8 shots per 10 touches. But I am not talking layups here people...I am talking about fadeaway jumpers off his right foot. Does he only care about the box score? Does he think he will get more ass this way? I think the latter.

After realizing the rag tag bunch of NBA nomads on the Bobcats last night I was inspired. There are some hilarious players out there and they deserve some credit. So I am coming up with the NBA "All Ridiculous" team. Reasons for making the team:
1. Ugliness...sometimes I wish these guys wore helmets too.
2. Lack of PT...that's the reason your ridiculous. Funny .8's for scoring avg.
3. Multiple 10 day contracts and playing for a ludicrous amount of teams.
4. Funny names...there are many other reasons that will be understood when you see the players and actions shots.
5. Being a ludicrous lottery pick...with no promise whatsoever.

Here is the starting five:

Center: Great action shot.
Power Forward: I think he bites.
Small Forward: A number 5 pick. Totally unpronouncable name...and he is a joke foreigner.
Shooting Guard: Hahahahahaa. This guy plays for the Blazers. He must sit in the locker room and say to himself, "What the fuck is going on here." Does he talk to anyone on that team. I bet D-Miles and him are real tight that Richie does that double fist head tap thing when he scoes.
Point Guard:
How is he still in the league? He is going to have Brevin Knight type numbers when he retires.
Coming off the Bench: Don't even need to write anything. Great head shot...8th pick...great career numbers. Biggest flake in NBA history. Just retire...might have sold his soul to the devil. Has a few rings from his days in Chicago. WHAT...awesome numbers...high schooler.

There you have it. My NBA all ridiculous team...took longer than I thought and I might have to make some changes in the roster, but I think Handgloten is the sleeper here.

Peace to the Gods.

Friday, April 01, 2005

We know what we do is wrong

St. Ho's! St. Ho's! St. Joe's got their hearts ripped out last night in typical Philly fashion. Pat Carrol is from Philadelphia, why would he have his shooting touch for the finals of the Not in Tournament "Tournament"? I bet he went into that game knowing that he wasn't going to shoot well. He drinks the water here...he eats the food...he breathes our "almost there" air. And just when we think we are going to be Smarty Jonesed he hits a beautiful off-balance three with 7 seconds remaing to tie the game up. South Carolina stayed under control and didn't call the timeout after Carrol's shot. I thought this was a great call (no timeout) because St. Joe's was so jacked from hitting the shot that it seemed the Hawks didn't realize there was plenty of time left for the Game Cocks to ruin their "Magical" NIT run. South Carolina then brings the ball up and Tarence Kinsey, who is used primarly for defense, pulls up and aces the three over Chet Stachitas leaving .9 seconds on the clock. Game over. St. Joe's had no timeouts left and the inbounds pass was thrown into the Schuykill River. We love this stuff. Does Philly have a reputation for being a depressed city? I am serious. I know there is a stat out their with info regarding the mental states of the people living in major American cities. Thank God for Howard Eskin.

Did you see Webber fall down in that Suns game when he knocked knees with someone down low? What a PUSSY. He just fell like a wet noodle out of bounds while Iverson walked down the court mumbling, "WHAT A PUSSY." If we make the playoffs I am happy because I will get to see the Heat play a couple of games.

Just thought I would throw in some Stallone Posters. Great Taglines.

I'm out like the Pope.