Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Picture blood baths in elevator shafts

Peeping Tom Pulled From Outhouse Tank
Tue Jun 28, 6:38 PM ET
ALBANY, N.H. - A 45-year-old man was arrested after a teenage girl found him staring at her from below an outhouse seat, police said. Police said they pulled Gary Moody, from Gardiner, Maine, from the waste tank under a log cabin outhouse on Monday.
"We had to decontaminate him," said Capt. Jon Hebert of the Carroll County Sheriff's Department, adding that firefighters hosed the man down before police handcuffed him. "We treated him as if he were hazardous material," Hebert said.
Moody was charged with criminal trespass. Hebert said he could face more charges.
Moody was freed on bail for a July 19 appearance in Northern Carroll County District Court in North Conway.

That's what perverts are reduced to if they live in Maine. There is no internet in Maine so they have to get pooped on to get a quality ass shot. I still am having trouble picturing this. Imagine sitting down to drop some heat and there is some creep smiling up at you! How do you raise someone who spends their time hiding in outhouses?


Andrew Bogut was the number one pick in the draft last night, and I truly don't think this guy will be superstar, and I will tell you why. When the players are selected they post some fun facts about them while Stuart Scott sits to talk with the new NBAers. How does Stuart Scott's assholeness increase every second he speaks? ANYWAY, Bogut's favorite food was listed as SOUP. SOUP...could you be more stale? At least throw a chicken noodle in front of that! Might as well listed your favorite food as Carbohydrates or Meat. He is never going to reach that superstar status because of his horrible favorite food choice. On the other hand Charlie Villanueva listed his favorite food as "weed brownies."

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

You thinkin' lobster?..HAH... I'm thinkin' burger kang

Morgan Free-help

In the last movie is saw, Batman Begins, Morgan Freeman is the all knowing gadget guy who supplies Bruce Wayne with all of his toys for fighting crime. Morgan Freeman seems to always land roles like this. The all knowing wise black man who helps out his white co-star. We are supposed to feel like Morgan has been through it all and he wears it on his face, but his hardships are outshined by that smile. He always knows the lowdown, but is always the secondary character. It's always Morgan and a white actor, and that actor is usually in need of some elderly help, which Morgan always offers. The last movie I remember seeing him in in the movie theaters was Robin Hood. He was the only black character in a movie with an all white cast, and he played his usual role. This is something that has perplexed me for years, and will always baffle me. Here is a rundown of his movies and his "white in need of help co-star." I am sure you can think of a couple ever before checking out this's like the Kevin Bacon game, but you don't have to poisin your mind with thoughts of Kevin Bacon.

Driving Miss Daisy: DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN!
Glory: Plays slave who fights in Civil War to help the beautifully moustached Matthew Broderick
Robin Hood: Performance will never outshadow unecessary Costner ass shot
The Power Of one: Plays a prisoner who is mentor to a positive thinking young white man
Unforgiven: Helps out Clint Eastwood
Shawshank Redemption: Shows white Tim Robbins how to get busy living
SEVEN: Don't look in the box white rookie cop Brad Pitt...I know...I am Morgan Freeman
Chain Reaction: Helps out Keanu Reeves, but performance is overshadowed by how akward Keanu looks when he runs
Kiss the Girls: The all knowing black man to Kentucky alum Ashley Judd
Amistad: I never saw this but I think he plays a slave
Nurse Betty: Helps out the PASTY white Renne Zellwegger
Along Came a Spider: Helps Monica Potter..Cage's hot wife in Con Air..solve a crime
High Crimes: Same formula as Kiss the Girls..Ashley Judd + all knowing Morgan Freeman
Bruce Almighty: Plays God who offers his powers to Jim Carrey
Million Dollar Baby: The black trainer, who appears in almost all boxing films
See how it all goes down? Morgan Freeman is always second fiddle to a know it all white character. He esentially plays the same role in every movie. Freeman is a great actor, but I can't get over the fact that he has been the same guy in almost all of his films.


Draft Sleepers:
Sean May
Roko Ukic
Ryan Gomes
Nate Robinson
Ronny Turiaf
Julius Hodge
Wayne Simien

Draft Creepers:
Antoine Wright
Hakim Warrick
Chris Taft
Matt Walsh
Danny Granger

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I want to see you in real life...So you can feel me like a steel knife

I recently read that Sharon Stone and Madonna were competing for the role of Ginger in Casino. Could Madonna have done this role any better? Stone nailed that part, and she even garnered a deserved Oscar nomination. It's hard to say if Madonna would have been as affective as Stone was. Not that she was drug crazed at one point in her life, but she truly captured a wild lifestyle that was presented to the world. Madonna was the poster slut of the 80's before she became British. (Go to to see Madonna bitch out some journalists because the room in which they were interviewing her in was TOO HOT...its horrible) If she was cast as Ginger it would have been distracting. Not that Madonna was a hooker/heroin addict at one point, but she didn't stray to far from that image. She could have pulled it off, but we would have felt like we were looking at a Rolling Stone cover shoot from '86. Nonetheless the movie has one of the greatest white pimp names in film history: LESTER DIAMOND. James Woods plays Diamond and he too dominates the role. Not that I expected the great cast from this movie to do a horrible job, but as a whole everyone really never let up. Scorcesse brings out the best in everyone, and do you even question why?
Although I think that Gangs of New York was a disaster. Dicaprio traveled in and out of his accent and I just didn't like Daniel Day Lewis as Bill the Butcher. The character was entertaining, but he was over the top. He seemed like a villian from a movie that was more fantastical. I could have seen him as a villian from an Indiana Jones film or even a James Bond villian. Maybe that's what Scorcesse was going for, but the supporting cast couldn't keep up with him. Did you know that Scorcesse directed the Michael Jackson video for BAD? YOU AIN"T BAD YOU AIN'T NOTHIN!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Best Friends Become Strangers

Tom Cruise Gets a Facial

Recently two big time celebrites have been attacked in some form. Leonardo DiCaprio was attacked with a beer bottle while leaving a club at 4 am. He apparently needed twelve stitches and the attacker missed an artery near his ear that could have been life threatening. It turns out the attacker was a retarted person who disgusted with his portrayal of Arnie the retarted boy in What's Eating Glibert Grape. The attacker said she was sick of hearing "DAD'S DEAD! and THE WATER TOWER GILBERT!" The attacker has now sold her rights to Lifetime to make a TV movie about the incident starring Eric Roberts as Dicaprio and Marlee Matlin as the retarted person.

Tom Cruise was part of one of the greatest moments in entertainment history yesterday. A fake reporter (who is now a genius) started asking him questions and water shot out of his microphone blasting Cruise in the face. Cruise showed that million dollar Cocktail smile for a second and then got all Born on the Fourth of July on us. He started saying in a horribly weak voice, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? and then ripped the guy to pieces stating, "You're a know that...a real jerk!" Katie Holmes wasn't paying attention at the time because she was looking into the sky for the aliens she now worships as a scientology convert. Will the demise of Tom Cruise be one of the biggest burnouts of all time? Will he ever recover from his recent ridiculous actions? People are starting the hate the man they all once loved and looked up to. Pretty soon he is going to be on a USA series with Hulk Hogan and Chuck Norris fighting crime on a ski slope.

I think celebrity hate is reaching a new level. We are all tired of them. Everyone is has a reality show and Pop Culture is the topic on most new cable television shows. ENOUGH the Discovery Channel. Why do you think the box office is slumping so bad? Sean Penn needs to shut the fuck up too.


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Out of the blue and into the black

More proof that Cruise is a complete joke:

Cruise Tripped Up by Magazine Over Scientology Claims
Tom Cruise's beliefs in Scientology are based on misinformation, according to US showbiz magazine Entertainment Weekly - after editors checked facts from a recent interview with the movie star. Just weeks after accusing Brooke Shields of being "misinformed" after she championed anti-depressants for helping her deal with post-partum depression, Cruise made a couple of sweeping statements to Entertainment Weekly reporter Benjamin Svetkey. The writer chose to check Cruise's comments and found out he wasn't accurate. Supporting Scientology claims that psychiatry is "a Nazi science", Cruise stated, "Jung (Carl Jung, the father of modern psychiatry) was an editor for the Nazi papers during World War Two," which the magazine's researchers discovered is untrue, according to the New York Center For Jungian Studies. The movie star continued, "Look at the experimentation the Nazis did with electric shock and drugging. Look at the drug methadone. That was originally called Adolophine. It was named after Adolf Hitler." The magazine also questions Cruise on this point, explaining, "According to the Dictionary Of Drugs And Medications... this is an urban legend." (FROM IMDB.COM)

Fantastic Four might be the worst movie of the summer. Comic book movies are hot right now, and some of them have been done in the right way, but this isn't going to cut it. I thought X-Men was going to to horrible after seeing the previews, but it turned out to be a good film. X-Men 2 was even better because we were done with the usual introduction of the characters. That's what Fantastic Four is going to be. The origin of the characters and them getting adjusted to their new personas. That isn't enough for this movie to be successful. The Fantastic Four aren't nearly as popular as the X-Men are these days, and the characters are just corny. Who would you rather have on your side? Wolverine fucking shit up with his claws or some dude who can stretch his arms really long to reach high stuff in the cupboard? I picked the stretchy guy too.

I will be dressed up like this when I go see this movie :
This guy is pretty sweet too:

There was a live action Fantastic Four film made in 1994 that was sooo bad that it never left the shelf. The Comic Book guy from the Simpson is probably the only person who owns a copy but I found some pictures of this horrible mess: (Scroll down to the bottom)

Hyrbid Moments by the Misfits is a sick song


Who the Hawks will most likely draft this year:

This is a Boogie Nights (one of my faves) poster from another planet I think:

Sunday, June 12, 2005

My mind is my worst enemy

Neil Young might be the greatest songwriter of all time. I don't celebrate his whole catalogue. I don't own any bootlegs. I just have a couple of songs, but this guy is undeniable. His chilling voice makes my bones tremble. Never has there been such humanity in someone's voice. He is an absolute beast. Harvest is an album that you don't need to swtich any tracks on, and OUT ON THE WEEKEND was my theme music when I got out of college. He knows that the deal is...I can't explain...he just does. And remember...only love can break your heart.


Display of Brendan Fraser's limits as an actor:

What was Nipsy Russel thinking?

I think he has already gotten even with all of us after this movie:


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

There's only one beer left...and rappers will scream in our ears like we're deaf

I went to see Lords of Dogtown yesterday because I enjoyed the documentary Dogtown and the Z-Boys, which is what this film is based on. If you haven't seen the documentary check it out even if you aren't a fan of skateboarding because it's a great character study. In the film these skaters come off as a biker gang reaking havoc wherever they go led by surf shop owner, Skip, who is played by Heath Ledger. Ledger's performance might be the biggest rip-off in movie history. Have you ever seen a Val Kilmer film? If so, then combine all his roles when he plays a fuck up and you have Heath Ledger. His mannerisms as well as his voice were exact replica's of Kilmer's. I am not even a big Kilmer fan and I was disgusted. Here is a pic of the ripoff: (My two favorite Val Kilmer films: TOP SECRET and REAL GENIUS...just thought I would mention that)
Not only was this performance distracting but Johhny Knoxville shows up with a blonde Snoop Dogg wig on and pimp gear at one point. They don't exactly explain what he does, but he represents one of the skaters as he becomes a superstar. I couldn't tell if his character was supposed to be a joke or not. Knoxville is just that bad.
This movie could have been pretty intriguing if it weren't for these two characters spreading stupidity all over the screen. Despite these two clowns Emile Hirsch did an awesome job portraying skater Jay Adams.
They could have made the film solely about him, and it would have been ten times more watchable. Don't see it in the theaters just rent the DVD and skip past the parts with Knoxville and Ledger. That might reduce the film to about 25 minutes, but it's worth it.


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Take COVER...HIT the dirt

Awesome Headline:

Italian court says gay man can drive Reuters - Mon Jun 6,12:42 PM ET
ROME (Reuters) - A Sicilian court condemned road authorities on Monday for suspending the driving license of a man after finding out he was gay.

How did they find out he was gay just by watching him drive? His left turn signal was out so when he put his hand out the window to indicate where he was going the cops instantly noticed how limp his wrist was, prompting them to pull him over.

While driving around in my sick 93 Mercury Sable (white with velvet maroon interior ) something hit me while I was listening to my IPod. There is a direct connection between some hilarious shows on the Cartoon Network and Hip-Hop. Many rap artists use samples from other songs, movies, video games, TV shows etc. This trait has always been a part of hip hop, and personally I think it is what makes it so interesting. I am not talking about P Diddy taking a whole Phil Collins song, and trying to rap over it. I am talking about a song like Wu-Tang's Tearz (From their first album, 36 chambers) that uses a sample from great motown song. They use the drums and the chorus to make a definitive song on one of the most groundbreaking albums of the modern music era. Why is it so groundbreaking? Because it's heavy metal hip hop. They were so raw and and appealed to everyone. Never has a rap group been so cinematic. They were reading the script of a movie about Staten Island that was never made. White kids in Ohio were tuning in and were feeling every word they spit. If you have this album and haven't listened to it in a while put it back in your stereo and remember the early 90's. ANYWAY
Shows on the Cartoon Network like Space Ghost, The Brak Show, Harvey Birdman, and Sea Lab 2021 are derived from old cartoons from the 60's and 70's. The animation is flat and the character design is so outdated that they have even more appeal in a world where we love "old school." If you have ever seen these programs you will notice that all the producers have done is dub new dialogue and music over these olds shows creating a pleasant mix. The same concept is used with hip-hop. Good artists will use loops from old songs to create a new sounds. They also take clips from shows and movies to tell stories or create effects in their songs. It's the same process in a different medium. Taking the old and sprucing it up with something fresh and stylish is a potent mix. Look how BIG hip hop is. It's bigger than the British invasion that our parents lived through. Rap has influenced everything from those racist McDonald's commercials to Martha Stewart, and if you don't feel me just watch your TV for about 4 minutes.



This couldn't be more 90's...this poster reminds me of know the shorts

Even Hackman is disgusted by this...just look at his face:

I used to love this one:

Sunday, June 05, 2005

A geek with a cold heart

People and things or events who should be more popular and or famous:

MF Doom, Rapping Genius
Just look at this guy:
This guy sounds like he is rapping the answers to the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle. He constantly wears that metal mask to follow through with his MF Doom persona. Buy his latest CD (MMM...Food?) and you will understand what all the fuss is about.

Bill Walton, Former NBA star and one of the most entertaining people to listen to while watching a basketball game. My buddies from New York first turned me on to Walton when the Knicks made it to the NBA Finals in 99. They used to talk about how he would completely shit on Larry Johnson with comments like, "Larry Johnson is a disgrace to the human race." You can also hear him proclaim that, "THIS IS THE GREATEST GAME I HAVE EVER SEEN" about 15 times during an NBA season. He is someone you love to hate...he never fails to make me chuckle. He wrote a recent article on about the latest Larry Brown controversy and it's an awesome read. He just goes off on the guy and his thesaurus:

But Larry Brown has shown his true colors, letting the disease of conceit create an untenable mess that I can't see a way out of for him. This is officially a disaster of epic proportions.

Brown's selfishness and his greedy addiction to his own personal agenda has left an indelible stain on everything and his egregious actions have completely overshadowed a potentially great series. Now, Brown is taking the low road by blaming the media and laying it on the messenger as if this is all somehow our fault.

But when I watch Larry Brown today in the huddles, at his press conferences, anything and everything, really all I see is fakery

This whole story is so bad, that Rasheed Wallace now looks like the rational one of the bunch.

See what I mean?

Sylvester Stallone's performance in COPLAND. The five people who read this know how I feel about Stallone. I don't think the guy is top tier actor by any means but he gives a great performance in a movie with an ensemble cast. He plays a washed up sheriff (Freddy Heflin) who heads a town of corrupt cops and worst of all he gets partnered up with Janeane Garofalo. His best friend, Ray Liotta, is so strung out on coke he kills his own wife. He saved the life of the only woman he loved when he was a teen, but she ended up marrying the town asshole. He lost most of his hearing from saving the girl he loved. There is a point in the film where Deniro rips him to pieces in front of Bubba and ends up calling him a "DEAF FUCK". Maybe Stallone's best role since Rocky 1. He put on like 60 pounds for the movie by eating wedding cake before he went to bed. He plays the role so well, and makes us forget about Judge Dredd for a couple of minutes. One of the best lines of the movie is when he is talking to the woman he loves, who is now married, about his own love life:

Liz Randone: Why is it that you never got married Freddy?
Freddy Heflin: All the best girls were taken.

BOOM! It isn't nearly as affective if you read it...go rent Copland.

Michael Ian Black:
Most of your recognize him from I LOVE THE 80's on VH1, but this comedian has been killing it since 1993 when MTV aired "THE STATE." One of the funniest shows of all time, which was of course cancelled and then they tried to put them on network TV and they lasted about one hour...literally. He is part of a comedy troupe who I believe did something called the "Stella Shorts", which I am sure are hilarious. The troupe did a hilarious movie titled WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER that should be seen by anyone who likes laughing. I have a feeling this guy is going to blow up soon.


Gay Porn?:


Pirate Porn?