Monday, June 20, 2005

Best Friends Become Strangers

Tom Cruise Gets a Facial

Recently two big time celebrites have been attacked in some form. Leonardo DiCaprio was attacked with a beer bottle while leaving a club at 4 am. He apparently needed twelve stitches and the attacker missed an artery near his ear that could have been life threatening. It turns out the attacker was a retarted person who disgusted with his portrayal of Arnie the retarted boy in What's Eating Glibert Grape. The attacker said she was sick of hearing "DAD'S DEAD! and THE WATER TOWER GILBERT!" The attacker has now sold her rights to Lifetime to make a TV movie about the incident starring Eric Roberts as Dicaprio and Marlee Matlin as the retarted person.

Tom Cruise was part of one of the greatest moments in entertainment history yesterday. A fake reporter (who is now a genius) started asking him questions and water shot out of his microphone blasting Cruise in the face. Cruise showed that million dollar Cocktail smile for a second and then got all Born on the Fourth of July on us. He started saying in a horribly weak voice, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? and then ripped the guy to pieces stating, "You're a know that...a real jerk!" Katie Holmes wasn't paying attention at the time because she was looking into the sky for the aliens she now worships as a scientology convert. Will the demise of Tom Cruise be one of the biggest burnouts of all time? Will he ever recover from his recent ridiculous actions? People are starting the hate the man they all once loved and looked up to. Pretty soon he is going to be on a USA series with Hulk Hogan and Chuck Norris fighting crime on a ski slope.

I think celebrity hate is reaching a new level. We are all tired of them. Everyone is has a reality show and Pop Culture is the topic on most new cable television shows. ENOUGH the Discovery Channel. Why do you think the box office is slumping so bad? Sean Penn needs to shut the fuck up too.



KC said...

Basedow admires Cruise

ERL said...

that's AWESOME. i especially agree that sean penn needs to shut the fuck up. and nic cage should be shot off the planet in a rocket. and angelina jolie sucks. so does brad pitt. yup.

ERL said...

oh and i ESPECIALLY hate mandy moore.

madison's favorite son said...

i miss hulk hogan. now he is a true role model. never once got in trouble.

KC said...

The hulk is the size of a bar...YET...he is as gentle as a lamb

FD said...

What surprises me is of all the news to report, that's ALL that was on last night - I got to see Tom cruise get a facial at least 15 times. LOL