Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Shoot for the moon...if you miss you're still amongst the stars

BERLIN (Reuters) - German police have arrested a 31-year-old man they caught vandalizing two cars by scratching large penis-shaped gouges into them and said they believe he may be responsible for similar markings found on hundreds of others.
A police spokesman in the western city of Bochum said on Friday the man was under investigation for vandalizing around 330 vehicles in the region over the last few months, most of which had also been marked with the same penis insignia.
The total damage may near 350,000 euros, he said.
"Nearly all of them had this special motif," the police spokesman said. "He said he did it because he was mentally disturbed. I don't know if that was just a pretext."
The suspect is now undergoing psychiatric treatment, he added.

German police officer: VHAT IS DEEEES? A PENEEES?
Genius who marked up cars: VHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S A BRATVURST!

That is exactly how German people talk...not in German, but with stereotypical German accents. Love the use of the phrase: "penis insignia."


Wonder what part of this poster that they want to viewers to focus in on:


Why can't they make movies like this anymore?


Speaking of candy asses I was called one once, and it's a very underrated diss. I was driving in Philly with a friend of mine and we were closing in on a biker (bicycle not harley). I was sitting in the passenger seat and my friend told me thatI would never slap the guy in the ass as we drove by. I couldn't take the heat so as we are drving past him I am out the window and BAM! Maybe the weirdest feeling in the world. My hand ripped through the sweaty lycra biker shorts of a complete stranger. Well of course we come up to a red light and have to stop. I look in the side mirror and this biker might have had the best sad face I have ever seen. I took something from him...I stole a piece of him that day. When we stop the car this guy FLIPS THE FUCK OUT. He pulls up to the window and just starts with, "YOU FUCKING MAMA'S BOY! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! Then he blasted me to pieces...."GODDAMN CANDY ASS!" Just the way it rolled off his tongue destroyed me. GODAMN and CANDY ASS work so well together. Maybe it's consonance?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

See the lonely boy out on the weekend

I want to....

Go that place where all the boys went in the movie Pinnochio where they got real wild and smoked cigars and got liquored up. That place was amazing. If I remember correctly there was gambling involved and just utter defiance for everything and anything. That's the type of vacation I need to take. They eventually started transformed into donkeys and starting crying for their mothers.

I want you to read these lyrics from Cinnamon Girl by the Neil Young...THE Neil Young:

"Cinnamon Girl"
I wanna live with a cinnamon girl
I could be happythe rest of my life
With a cinnamon girl.
A dreamer of pictures
I run in the night
You see us together,
chasing the moonlight,
My cinnamon girl.
Ten silver saxes,
a bass with a bowT
he drummer relaxesand waits between shows
For his cinnamon girl.
A dreamer of pictures
I run in the night
You see us together,
chasing the moonlight,
My cinnamon girl.
Pa sent me money now
I'm gonna make it somehow
I need another chance
You see your baby loves to dance

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The Rhythm the Rebel

Lebron on Nascar

Nascar has decided to place the "20 year old NBA marketing icon" to adorn the hood of one of their cars. (note: Not Lebron James, Cavs Guard....Lebron the MARKETING ICON....that's how he is descibed in the above link). I too am fascinated with the way the media has handled the rise of Lebron James on all levels. He was described as having a "Babe Ruth" quality when he was coming out of high school. A very interesting comparison that I can honestly say I have never heard when not describing a baseball player. We have known him since he was in high school and some of you even paid to see his high school games on pay per view. David Stern must have pic of this kid next to his bed that he kisses before he falls asleep on his pillow that is stuffed not with cotton balls, but with hundred dollar bills. It's fascinating to see how this kid has used the media, and how they have used him. He started LebronJames.com when he was not even in the NBA yet, and he did it because we would all be there clicking away.

Why use Lebron to bring something to Nascar?

I really like the look of the race car," James said in a statement. "But I'm thinking we need to add some new rims."

This kid is going to be used up by the time he is 30 years old. Nascar is a sport that is dominated by white fans and white "athletes." Do they think this will generate a more ethnic fan base? Do they think that Lebron's popularity will lure some of his black fans to sport of Nascar? Notice that they didn't use a picture of Lebron, but rather a "comic book" version of him on the hood. They might as well put Al Jolson on the cover of the car : . Instead of Powerade they can just write MAAAAAMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!.
Here is an idea : Log onto a Nascar chat room and tell them that you are a fan of Nascar. Then proceed to tell them you are black. Then proceed to tell them that the sports needs black drivers. Then prepare yourself for a shower of racial epithets. I tried this late night about four days ago. I wish I had copied and pasted it at the time, but I was blown away by how many N-bombs were dropped as I talked about black "athletes" in Nascar. One that I remember: "We don't need to n*****s taking over OUR sport!" I was even called a "moon cricket." What the fuck is a moon cricket?!
Maybe it was because it was around 4am, and I caught some cranky liquored up rednecks who were minding their meth labs. Lebron is going to be one of the faces of black culture for a LONG time, and this is only the begining of it all. What's next Lebron at the Opera? Lebron on BROADWAY? I can't wait until the remake the Fish that Saved Pittsburgh starring Lebron James in Dr. J's role. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079154/

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Another soul lost at sea while taking a cruise

While reveling in a John Basedow infomercial one can come across unbelievable products that are advertised in the middle of the night. Some of them have boring names like the magic wallet http://www.magicalwallet.com/default.asp?sp=gg and others just display their marketing genius with names like THE WALLET OWL! http://www.walletowl.com/ Maybe the best cheap commercial product name since the Rascal...you all know what the Rascal is. It's similar to the bathroom monkey http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/3262/.
Just adding an animal to your product name is a recipe for success. Why do people love polo shirts with tigers, gators and horses on them? It's all about the animals. They should start making polo's with dirty city pigeons on them and they would be sprinting off the shelves. This dude would buy one :http://www.sempai.org/~felicia/wedding/pics/honey/215-cluster-of-pigeons-2.jpg
(note: I don't know that guy but good God in heaven I would like to meet him.)
Another strange and hilarious pigeon picture: http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/14079/pigeons.jpg

ANYWAY...animals sell. Why do you think Tony the Tiger has been around for so long? They never age and wrinkles don't show under fur. Who is the next animal icon? The Geico Gecko? Chester Cheetah? (I heard he has a coke problem) Tucan Sam is getting old and he needs to pass the torch to someone else. How about ELI the SLOTH? ARMEN the ARMENIAN ARMADILLO? ARTHUR the AYE AYE? In case you were wondering what and Aye Aye is:
Always trust animals....always.


Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I hope you find some time to drop a note...but if you don't then you don't

Simpson Kicked Out of Convention
Former American football star OJ Simpson was kicked out of an Illinois convention on Saturday, after showing up unannounced and selling his autographs to fans. Simpson made the unexpected appearance at Rosemont's 26th annual National Sports Collectors Convention, and while excited fans crowded him, disgruntled organizers soon asked him to leave. But before his departure, Simpson signed 115 autographs - at $100 and $125 apiece - during his 75 minutes at the event, as well as posing for several photographs. He later signed hundreds of autographs at a nearby hotel. Dealers at the event are not allowed to have unscheduled autograph appearances. Convention director Bob Dyer says of Simpson, "The demand for his autograph was obvious based on the crowd around him, but you can't go about doing it that way. The exhibitor didn't abide by the contract." (From IMDB.com)

What a complete joke. Is this what he has resorted too? Sneaking in the back doors of autograph shows uninvited and selling his John Hancock. They failed to show the picture that he was autographing. While many were hoping it was a pic of him running through the line at USC or scoring TD's for the Bills. It was actually this : http://www.sas.upenn.edu/~sample/whodunit/oj_time.jpg
(note how much blacker they made him look on this cover...everyone is a muckraker...even TIME)
I still can't figure out what is more striking here. The fact that he had the audacity to do such a thing OR the fact that people paid good money for an autograph of someone who "might" have killed some people.


Romanticizing war?

A poster with this image couldn't be released toady:

Doesn't fit the movie...little toooooo sexual for the subject matter:

Graduate rip off: