Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Shoot for the moon...if you miss you're still amongst the stars

BERLIN (Reuters) - German police have arrested a 31-year-old man they caught vandalizing two cars by scratching large penis-shaped gouges into them and said they believe he may be responsible for similar markings found on hundreds of others.
A police spokesman in the western city of Bochum said on Friday the man was under investigation for vandalizing around 330 vehicles in the region over the last few months, most of which had also been marked with the same penis insignia.
The total damage may near 350,000 euros, he said.
"Nearly all of them had this special motif," the police spokesman said. "He said he did it because he was mentally disturbed. I don't know if that was just a pretext."
The suspect is now undergoing psychiatric treatment, he added.


German police officer: VHAT IS DEEEES? A PENEEES?
Genius who marked up cars: VHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S A BRATVURST!

That is exactly how German people talk...not in German, but with stereotypical German accents. Love the use of the phrase: "penis insignia."


POSTER TIZIME FOR THAT ASSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Wonder what part of this poster that they want to viewers to focus in on:
http://www.impawards.com/2005/dirty_love.html

MASTERPIECE:
http://www.impawards.com/1983/krull_ver3.html

Why can't they make movies like this anymore?
http://www.impawards.com/1983/metalstorm_ver1.html

BRONSON...WILL WHOOP YOUR CANDY ASS!!!!
http://www.impawards.com/1983/ten_to_midnight_ver2.html

Speaking of candy asses I was called one once, and it's a very underrated diss. I was driving in Philly with a friend of mine and we were closing in on a biker (bicycle not harley). I was sitting in the passenger seat and my friend told me thatI would never slap the guy in the ass as we drove by. I couldn't take the heat so as we are drving past him I am out the window and BAM! Maybe the weirdest feeling in the world. My hand ripped through the sweaty lycra biker shorts of a complete stranger. Well of course we come up to a red light and have to stop. I look in the side mirror and this biker might have had the best sad face I have ever seen. I took something from him...I stole a piece of him that day. When we stop the car this guy FLIPS THE FUCK OUT. He pulls up to the window and just starts with, "YOU FUCKING MAMA'S BOY! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! Then he blasted me to pieces...."GODDAMN CANDY ASS!" Just the way it rolled off his tongue destroyed me. GODAMN and CANDY ASS work so well together. Maybe it's consonance?

4 comments:

KC said...

Can't wait for the spam

madison's favorite son said...

holy shit that made me laugh. you actually slapped his ass and then you didn't bother to get off the same road. i'm dying here. hhahahahhahahhah

KC said...

The dude was AMPED

jackbrizzity said...

Good thing that wasn't Bronson on that bike, he would show you a thing or two about the advantages of wearing lycra. Great Story.