Tuesday, January 31, 2006

its a bad idea, to go down to the pier by your self after dark

I was half asleep the other night when one of my dreams turned into a reality. There was an NBA game blaring through my "un-flat screen" television while I was in bed. The only voice I could hear was the obnoxious mufflings of Bill Walton as he tripped through his comments about the league and of course himself. It's a give-in that every night he is on TV Walton will without a doubt mention the championships he won with the Celts and the Blazers through his inury riddled career. This fateful night the Clippers were playing the Nuggets and the other annoucer (Can't remember his name...I was half awake) mentioned a short stint that Walton had with the Clip-show. Walton then comments, "I was on three of the greatest teams in basketball history! The UCLA Bruins, Portland Trailblazers, and of course the Celtics. That Trailblazers team was the youngest team ever to win it all (This is the 3,459th time he has mentioned this...in January). But my worst experience was playing with the Clippers. I was always injured and only played in about 7 games!"
Then he drops the atom bomb:
"That was the darkest moment of my life...I'm a DISGRACE!"
COMPLETE silence was all you heard for about 30 seconds. I lept out of bed looking for my glasses to take a glance at the reaction to all those who heard this ludicrous self-loathing statement. When I finally focused I saw the befuddled Walton as he looked like he was about to put his head in his hands and mumble a DEAD jam to take himself to a happy place. The other commentators were in disbelief and nervously mentioned a meaningless play by Earl Watson. Then Walton perked up and proclaimed, "EARL WATSON! U-C-L-A LEGEND!
I then fell back into the most peaceful sleep knowing that that red haired mutant was back to his old self making outrageous statements about role players. Embrace Walton people. He will make you feel smarter and prettier than you have ever been before.

Lebron's choice to not to participate in the dunk contest in favor of the skills (or is it skillz) competition this All-Star weekend is another example of why he is so important to the NBA. Does anyone every say they are going to the bar, have some suds, and watch the skills competition? This is a competition reserved for people like Earl Boykins, and Earl Watson...Pretty much anyone named Earl. Now we have to watch to see what this man-child will do. He also has the best sitcom on television right now...the Lebrons of course.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The super flow with more jokes than Bazooka Joe

I have been quite busy these days and have not been able to post as frequently as before. If I could write on this thing everyday I would, but until that day here are some things that have invaded my mind recently.

Thoughts for thought:

Internet porn has desensitized those who have never even layed eyes on it.

It is also extremely racist. Google thugs and jugs...you will see exactly what I am talking about. One site (not the illustrious Thugs and Jugs) refers to the black porn "actors" as savages who have come to destroy blonde white chicks (I can't remember the exact name of this website, but that's a good thing). They portray these women as being violated completely because their "sexual" partners are black guys. Who gets off on this stuff? Well if David Lee Roth can get his own radio show I guess there is a demographic for everything. This has to be an issue somewhere, but is it appropriate to bring to the national media? OF COURSE IT IS! People will be glued to their sets as they looked at images of these web pages with pixalated spots covering up the good stuff. It will also give Kanye something to discuss following his appearance on the cover of Rolling Stone, where he is depicted as Jesus Christ.

Hey Tom Brady said he looks at porn on the internet so that makes me feel alot better about myself. I heard his poop doesn't even smell.

Have you ever seen a baby pigeon?

76er Lee Nailon http://www.nba.com/playerfile/lee_nailon/index.html just got locked up for beating his wife...he must have been pissed about me comparing him to Carlton from the Fresh Prince. Iverson is obviously the Fresh Prince in this whole debacle. Remember in the end the Fresh Prince became an Oscar Nominee, and Carlton ended up on a sitcom with LL Cool J.

Do people take Maxim magazine seriously?

MySpace.com is going to end is a gruesome way. The amount of information people post about themselves is shocking. This is like a handbook for all the creeps out there to pick and choose their next victim. Most of the participants have pictures of themselves, and many express the fact that they are looking for love. The need to reach out to others and share your experiences is normal, but people are putting so much of themselves out there without concern.

Remember the names Kara Borden and Daniel Ludwig?

Kara's 13-year-old sister, Katelyn, told investigators her parents were shot after they argued with Ludwig for about an hour, according to court papers. Katelyn said she saw Ludwig shoot her father, and then ran into the bathroom, where she heard a second shot, presumably the one that killed her mother, court papers said. Ludwig then ran through the house calling for Kara, she told investigators. The couple's 9-year-old son ran to the neighbors, who called 911. Police late Sunday issued an arrest warrant for Ludwig on charges of criminal homicide and kidnapping. Stephanie Mannon, 16, said Ludwig and Kara had been seeing each other secretly. "Their parents didn't approve of them being together" because of the age difference, she said. "It wasn't because he was a shady character, because he wasn't." Both Ludwig and Kara maintain Web sites. Hers refers to interests in soccer, art and her Christian faith; his says he enjoys "having soft air gun wars" and claims expertise in "getting in trouble."

These teens were exchanging info and X's and O's on a website just like MySpace.

I want to see this movie are least buy the poster:

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Your raps have no gift...like a lonely christmas


This is harrowing and shall haunt all onlookers forever! That creature belongs on the Island of Dr. Moreau. The one with Marlon Brando...not the H.G. Wells book that you most likely had to read the summer before your freshman year of high school.

Check out the trailer for the upcoming Sofia Coppola film Marie Antoinette. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0422720/ New Order's Age of Consent is the soundtrack to Coppola's trailer depicting 17th century France, and it works...if you grew up watching MTV. Trailers have become music videos and music videos have become trailers. Kanye West's Jesus Walks worked so brilliantly with the trailer for Jarhead that it's emotional impact matched that of the film.
The trailer for Antoinette is reminiscent of an old Annie Lennox video where she is running around trying to avoid broken glass in an elegant evening gown. We see Marie (Kirsten Dunst) running around in her elegant gown to the dancing keyboard and brooding lyrics of Consent. The trailer isn't an exact replica of Lennox's video, but the influence is undeniable. Trailers and music videos use every ounce of their limited time to make an impact. The perfect recipe for our ADD riddled generation.
Music makes the movies and sometimes makes the trailer better than the movie. Why do you think so many people saw Dangerous Minds with Michelle Pfeiffer? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112792/
Everyone was bumping their heads to that ludicrous Coolio jam wondering why we were so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me. If you can get a song to work with about 2 minutes of footage it's like magic. The viewer is immediately affected in some way because the combination of the two moved them.
Does this make the movie and the trailer one in the same? The trailer becomes and extension of the film and sometimes it's even better than the film itself. DVD's always have the trailers in their special features, which is important because trailers are a large part of the film they depict. A good trailer can't make a movie, but a good trailer is a damn good music video.