Saturday, December 24, 2005

They lost touch with their bleeding hearts

When did the world of television commercials become so odd? What started this revolution of obscurity? Have you noticed they are competing for a level of randomness everytime we go to commercial break? Even Jimmy Dean's sausage ads have left us scratching our heads. They used to have the leather-faced Dean smiling and butter knifing through those delicious patties. His eyes sparking like the morning sun through his syrup bottle. He was so content with that steaming hog he was about to consume and he had our stomachs grumbling when he left the screen. What do they have now? A dude wearing a "sun suit" who shows up in the family kitchen and eats breakfast. His ray's "raise" when Jimmy Dean sausage is served, and you have to wonder about the sexual implications. It's just not the same old warming Jimmy Dean smiling back at's simply randomness.
Who started the random commercial trend? It's very hard to pinpoint, but I would say that there are a few. Geico started making people swoon over a computer generated Gecko, and then they moved into the hilarious Caveman and reality show commercials. They mastered not even mentioning their product for more than 5 seconds, but pulled an audience in with their pop culture mash ups.
It's seems that Virgin mobile has taken it to a whole other level with their holiday "telethon" commerical. All those random characters such as a goat, wizard, gay elf, robot, and any other stereotype you can think of are answering phones. Nothing about the product but we are left with our chins on the floor cause we have just proclaimed, "What the FLETCH was that!"
These commercials drew inspiration from the Simpsons, who birthed the Family Guy, a show that has cornered the market on randomness. From left field is the new way to approach things. Generation Xers have seen it all before so killing us with kindness (Jimmy Dean) just isn't going to cut it anymore. We need to see something as random as the comments on an Urban Outfitters t-shirt. This trend of weirdness could shift back to the smiling old man promoting his product or things could just all become so odd that we don't even blink an eye next time. We wouldn't notice either way. Nothing ever changes and nothing is ever the same.


(MF Doom and Danger Mouse)

MF Doom might have propelled himself to the next nevel with this ludicrously infectious album, and Danger Mouse is simply a genius. This Adult Swim themed album is exactly what Swim showcases: a children's show remixed and reshaped into something that all age groups can shake their ass and minds too. MF rips through Mouse's beats like his mask is red hot, but it's the burn that feels good. Mouse's beat layering is the kind that makes you look in your rearview mirror to make sure their wasn't some ruckus happening on the road behind you. This album reminds me of OutKast's ATLiens because they are both soundtracks for intergalactic road trips.

Year of the Dragon or Tiger? NO WAY

2006 has started of great for my be the way...why? Because when I got in to work this morning the 4 foot 2 security guard came out of the bathroom shaking his head as I was walking into the office. I asked," What's wrong Reggie? He proclaimed, "I walked into the bathroom and someone left a shit floating in the toliet!" "OHH man", I relpy. He couldn't believe it. It was almost like someone left that shit in there for him be riddled with anguish after first glance. He then said, "Yeah man...not just some little terd...this shit was about as big as my ARM!" (Lifting his stubby arm into the sky) I laid down and asked for God to take me because I would have died in a state of uncontrollable laughter. There is no better sign that you are going to have a good year. This is the year of the arm lenghted poop for me...let's hope it's going to be a good one.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Come forward with whatever killed your spark

Tops of 2005

Albums for listening

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (self titled)

Talking Heads warpaint is spattered across the body of this band especially through the voice of lead singer Alec Ounsworth. Some might use this is a criticism, but Modest Mouse takes cues from the Heads and I bet you like them too.

My Morning Jacket "Z"

Outstanding voice, outstanding sound, and touches every genre of music you can imagine....even country. Don't compare them to anyone because you can't. Jim James' voice can reduce you to rubble, but there is hope there. His haunting pipes call for songs about misery but if you listen closely he isn't sad at all.

Kanye West "Late Registration"

They claim you never know what you got 'til it's GONE
I know I got it, I don't know what y'all on
I'ma open up a store for aspiring MC's
Won't sell 'em no dream, but the inspiration is free
But if they ever flip sides like Anakin
You'll sell everything includin the mannequin
They got a new bitch now you Jennifer Aniston

While listening to these lyrics in my car I immediately drove into a ditch. There is honesty in his contradictions not to mention some ludicrous beats here. I don't see Kanye's fire burning out anytime soon.

BLOC PARTY "Silent Alarm"

An electric album that doesn't step into the dreaded EMO realm, but sometimes teeters along the "jaded kid who is never going to find love" vibe. Like My Morning Jacket's album you will be deceived by the content in the songs when you listen to or read the lyrics. LUNO (off the album) will have you thinking about the friend we all have that has been lost in the shuffle.

Quote of the Year:
50 Cent has praised President Bush saying he wants to meet him.
The views contradict those of the likes of Kanye West who accused Bush of not caring about black people in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Fifty said:

"He's incredible... A gangster. I wanna meet George Bush, just shake his hand and tell him how much of me I see in him."

Film for viewing:


We all know what a beast Philip Seymour Hoffman is, but Clifton Collins Jr. ,as convicted murderer Perry Smith, reminded me of one of the Lost Boy's from Peter Pan who strayed to far from the island. Hoffman is pretty much guaranteed an Oscar nomination for his portrayl of Capote, and will most likely win. He has been nominated for the Golden Globes' "Best Actor in a Drama" category. Collins hasn't garnered a golden globe nomination, but maybe the Oscars will look a little closer at his portrayl of a death row inmate who is painfully manipulated by Capote. The film details the lengths that Capote went through to write his classic "In Cold Blood", which was based on true events.

Collins' description of why he killed a family is eerily reminiscent of River Phoenix's description of how people perceived him when he was accused of stealing the milk money at his elementary school in the beautiful STAND BY ME. Phoenix's character in that film (CHRIS) talks about how he is labeled as a bad seed because of his social and familial status. He was the first one they looked to when the money was stolen from the school and they way people looked at him as a thief ripped his self confidence to shreds.

Chris: I just wish I could go someplace where nobody knows me. [He starts crying]

This is the famous quote from the film where Phoenix opens up to Wil Wheaton's character, Gordie, when all the other kids are sleeping. Collins' character, like Chris, is considered to be classed with the crumbs of society. In the film he admits that he didn't want to kill the people, while he was trying to rob them until he looked into the eyes of the father of the family.

Perry Smith: I thought that Mr. Clutter was a very nice gentleman. I thought so right up to the moment that I cut his throat.

He looked at him like he was nothing but a mere scrub...a stain who adds nothing to society.

Moments like these make movies ooze through your bones, and that moment is why films like Capote and Stand By Me will stay with the viewer for a while. If Capote is still showing near you check it out, and go rent or buy STAND BY ME.


Matt Lienhart :

Maybe the best college quarterback in the history of time. He explained in an interview that women are knocking on his door at all hours of the night. This dude could wear an eye patch, black jeans, a Cosby sweater with a turtleneck, rub a hoagie all over his body (inducing a horrible B.O. stench) and would still have no trouble with females. Without a doubt his cock is the cock of the year.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

All my lovely life I've been waitin' heels anticipatin'

Yes the Eagles got blown to bits last night by a Seattle team that has been soaring of late. Yes Mike McMahon is oddly reminiscent of a male cheerleader when he is scampering around the field. Yes the the fans are practicing their boos when they take a shower in the morning instead of their singing skills, but did anyone see the unintentional product placement in the game last night? This product placement began when the Eagles put in a high school junior at quarterback, Koy Detmer.
Koy has the symmetry of a basketball on top of a fridge when he walks out on the field. Does this guy need pop warner size shoulder pads? Not to mention his arms are about as thick as his fingers, and his first pass of the game last night hit the helmet of his own player causing an interception.
So as the game went on the unintentional product placement continued and it all became so clear that Koy Detmer was the model for the IRONMAN triathlon/watch symbol. Many of you might have owned one of the IRONMAN watches by Timex and we all know of the IRONMAN triathlon. Here are some examples: Note the M in the IRONMAN symbol? It looks like Koy Detmer when he has his pads on. He should be the official sponsor for IRONMAN instead of a third string QB. He would have to wear full pads if he were to do this, and could make some nice scratch after he retires as IRONMAN's mascot. Imagine Koy you could buy all the pairs of Wranglers you want if you took that job.

I haven't resorted back to my old movie poster fun, but I decided to bring out a classic.

WOW...doesn't this seem a little racist?