Tuesday, January 31, 2006

its a bad idea, to go down to the pier by your self after dark

I was half asleep the other night when one of my dreams turned into a reality. There was an NBA game blaring through my "un-flat screen" television while I was in bed. The only voice I could hear was the obnoxious mufflings of Bill Walton as he tripped through his comments about the league and of course himself. It's a give-in that every night he is on TV Walton will without a doubt mention the championships he won with the Celts and the Blazers through his inury riddled career. This fateful night the Clippers were playing the Nuggets and the other annoucer (Can't remember his name...I was half awake) mentioned a short stint that Walton had with the Clip-show. Walton then comments, "I was on three of the greatest teams in basketball history! The UCLA Bruins, Portland Trailblazers, and of course the Celtics. That Trailblazers team was the youngest team ever to win it all (This is the 3,459th time he has mentioned this...in January). But my worst experience was playing with the Clippers. I was always injured and only played in about 7 games!"
Then he drops the atom bomb:
"That was the darkest moment of my life...I'm a DISGRACE!"
COMPLETE silence was all you heard for about 30 seconds. I lept out of bed looking for my glasses to take a glance at the reaction to all those who heard this ludicrous self-loathing statement. When I finally focused I saw the befuddled Walton as he looked like he was about to put his head in his hands and mumble a DEAD jam to take himself to a happy place. The other commentators were in disbelief and nervously mentioned a meaningless play by Earl Watson. Then Walton perked up and proclaimed, "EARL WATSON! U-C-L-A LEGEND!
I then fell back into the most peaceful sleep knowing that that red haired mutant was back to his old self making outrageous statements about role players. Embrace Walton people. He will make you feel smarter and prettier than you have ever been before.

Lebron's choice to not to participate in the dunk contest in favor of the skills (or is it skillz) competition this All-Star weekend is another example of why he is so important to the NBA. Does anyone every say they are going to the bar, have some suds, and watch the skills competition? This is a competition reserved for people like Earl Boykins, and Earl Watson...Pretty much anyone named Earl. Now we have to watch to see what this man-child will do. He also has the best sitcom on television right now...the Lebrons of course.


KC said...


Anonymous said...

didn't catch your lyrical title tonight

Anonymous said...

larry johnson is a DISGRACE to the NBA

jackbrizzity said...

Bill Walton single-handedly brought me back to the NBA. I was a devout fan of slam ball and I just so happened to stumble across an NBA game, and there he was. He said something about Kyle Korver. He said Korver is the his second favorite player in the league, and I could not agree more. Watch out for Iggy in the dunk contest. I'm goin to My Brother's Place.

KC said...

That lyrical title is from My Morning Jacket's soul crushing: The Bear

Anonymous said...

speaking of mmj
it's amazing how great some of their songs are and how terrible other songs are

Maine said...

Why would all of these teams be creaming over Earl Watson? Am I wrong, or isn't he the guy that couldn't get off the bench in Memphis, couldn't get higher than 3rd string in Denver and is paid WAY too much money for a guy who never plays?

I mean, maybe I missed the game where he suddenly displayed an array of ball skills not unlike a young Fat Lever, but he hardly seems to be worth trading a draft pick for.

That said, I like Walton because, despite is idiocy, he's the only announcer that, like Charles Barkley, talks basketball like a fan instead of like an analyst. It's amusing if nothing else.

KC said...

I agree...Walton is pure entertainment