Wednesday, May 18, 2005

I couldn't stand another hour of daylight

Viagra-fueled Italian stallions seized by police
Tue May 17,12:21 PM ET
ROME (Reuters) - Italian police have discovered a mob-linked race track where they say horses were pumped full of Viagra and other drugs to fix races. The illegally built and operated track, known locally as "Miss Charmet," is located on the outskirts of Naples city -- home to the Camorra, the local version of the Sicilian Mafia. "We are able to ascertain the use of the famous (drug) Viagra to increase the performance of these horses," police commander Mario Pantano told local television. It was not clear how Viagra affected the horses' speed. The track and its horses, worth an estimated 5 million euros ($6.4 million), were seized by authorities investigating illegal doping of horses, according to local media.


Real picture of aViagra fueled italian stallion : http://www.thewavemag.com/images/articles/7001-8000/7482.jpg
And a whole webiste filled with them : www.njguido.com

It's not clear how the Viagra affected the the horse's speed? Pumping a horse with viagra gives him an unbelievable adavatage: A FIFTH leg to run the race with. They also dress a female horse up like little Bo Peep and put her at the finish line prompting the horses to eye the prize as they are nearing the end of the race.

More stressed-out Australian pets being put on anti-depressant drugs
Tue May 17,11:28 AM ET
SYDNEY (AFP) - An increasing number of dogs and cats in Australia are reportedly being fed anti-depressant drugs to counteract obsessive compulsive disorder. An estimated three to six percent of the country's dogs and cats are diagnosed with the problem as owners act on telltale signs such as tail-biting, circling, pacing, shadow-chasing and excessive grooming, the Daily Telegraph said. Vet Robert Stabler was quoted as saying a combination of genes and the environment were responsible, with homes close to schools and shops getting animals excited. Stabler, who will speak about the problem at the Australian Veterinary Association annual conference this week, said owners can also pass on stress to pets after a hard day at work. "The dog might smell the owner's adrenalin or see body language change and may try to get attention by running around in circles," he was quoted as saying. "That makes it worse when the owner laughs and the animal gets attention that way."


Disturbing...just disturbing. How do you know if your fucking pet is stressed out? This goes right along with this sign of the apocalypse : www.neuticles.com . So if you laugh at your pet when they are excited it will be a blow to their self confidence? These are the same animals who will take in shit in the living room during a family party without worrying about a thing. I will tell you why Australian pets are stressed out. I interviewed quite an intelligent Rotweiller, Walter, from Australia and this is how it went :

Q: So what is the real deal with all this pet sadness?

Walter: Honestly Mr. Basedow it's the Australian stereotype. I blame Paul Hogan and the Crocodile Hunter. I have never heard an Aussie say, "SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE! or THAT'S NOT A KNIFE...THIS IS A KNIFE." The people are sick of being pigeonholed as knife weilding croc loving, shrimp cooking lunatics. Has there even been a regular role for an australian in any film or television program? NO...we have it worse than the little people.

Q : Okay, so what is the real deal with all this pet sadness?

Walter : Alright man...it's the koala. That fucking koala is so damn cute man...we get no attention. And the funny thing is that Koala's have ZERO personality. They are anti-social elitists who get all the pub.

POSTER TIME!!!

A movie about me:
http://www.impawards.com/1982/beastmaster.html

Only chuck norris can destroy genetically altered beasts:
http://www.impawards.com/1982/silent_rage.html

What happens when you take as many viagras as those horses:
http://www.impawards.com/1982/slumber_party_massacre.html

9 comments:

KC said...

Someone show me some love!

Donnelly said...

Coyle, whats up? Let's get a Brooks article going. Call me up, you going to Preakness? Let's get to a Phils-Mets game and T.O. is a joke.

KC said...

YO DOG! no way i am going to preakness...i think i am past my prime when it comes to that event...i did it twice and that was all i needed. I am down for the phile mets.

madison's favorite son said...

funny shit. always is.

Suz said...

Beatmaster is a real thing?

Suz said...

Hey this work yet?

KC said...

Yes it is working

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