Friday, March 11, 2005

Redonkulous

Cat Shoots Owner

Strange News - AP
BATES TOWNSHIP, Mich. - A man cooking in his kitchen was shot after one of his cats knocked his 9mm handgun onto the floor, discharging the weapon, Michigan State Police said.

Joseph Stanton, 29, of Bates Township in Iron County, was shot in his lower torso around 6 p.m. Tuesday, the state police post in Iron River reported. He was transported to Iron County Community Hospital.
Michelle Sand, a spokeswoman at the Iron River hospital, said Stanton was treated there before being transferred to Marquette General Hospital for further treatment. But Marcie Miller, a representative of the Marquette facility, said there was no record of the hospital receiving a patient by that name.
A telephone message seeking comment was left Wednesday at Stanton's home.
State police said he was cooking at his stove when the cat knocked the loaded gun off the kitchen counter behind him.

This is ludicrous...just amazing. Even if this is true, which I think it could be the worst excuse ever, it's out of control. This guy must have been like...did my fucking CAT just shoot me? Imagine the phone call to the EMT, "Yes my feline has dischardged a weapon in my kitchen, thank god, and the bullet has entered my lower torso." So many jokes could be made from this situation..."Mess with that dirty p****y....you'll get burned. " We could go on for days here but I will let you all post me some. This story couldn't be shadier either. A loaded gun on the kitchen counter while you cook dinner? Was he putting bullets on his Ellio's?
This is what really happened...Joseph Stanton of Bates Township was making crack on his stove when he was shot by his cat, Bojangles. While Joseph was turning cocaine into crack early Thursay afternoon he had placed his loaded 9MM on the kitchen counter in case some buster came in and tried to jack his stash. This was a routine procedure for Stanton until this fateful afternoon when he noticed that Bojangles was acting differently. He then noticed that his crack baggies were strewn about the linoleum floor empty and chewed up. Realizing that Bojangles was the one who had been jacking his stash his mood changed from furious to complete and utter shock when he turned to see his cracked out cat pointing the 9MM at his owner. He shouted, "BOJANGLES NO!", but the cat was tired of being told what to do so he blasted him in the lower torso.
That is what really happened.

4 comments:

GallagherRules said...

God Damn! Remind me to bag my crack in the living room from now on! And that asshole Bojangles is officially uninvited to all my shindigs. Had I know he was capable of all this.....

I've heard of a pussy squirting, but shooting?

All I can say is GoodGodDamn!

GallagherRules said...

God Damn! Remind me to bag my crack in the living room from now on! And that asshole Bojangles is officially uninvited to all my shindigs. Had I know he was capable of all this.....

I've heard of a pussy squirting, but shooting?

All I can say is GoodGodDamn!

jackbrizzity said...

Yo KC!! Where you at dog? I nead some college hoop upset picks. March Madness Baby, And how about Pitsnoggle(or however you spell it) from W. V. Best hoops name ever?

sammmmmyg said...

KC I knew you'd eventually get bored of blogging, but damn I figured you'd make it past a week.