I'll be a mom and poppa coming for you

There is an inviting sign on the lone urinal in my office. It reads: "IF YOU USE THIS TOILET IT MAY OVERFLOW." Why give us a choice? Is this some type of candid camera trick to get someone to roll the dice, use the urinal, and get BLASTED by a stream of derrrty water? A DO NOT USE sign would be plenty efficient. The interesting thing is that I actually took a minute to ponder whether I should use the urinal or not. The feeling of accomplishment that I would get from rolling the dice and not getting blasted could enstill and extrememe amount of confidence in me. I could use this new power to actually speak to a female while I am out galavanting. My horrendous move of going up to a girl who is smoking and asking for a light is failing MISERABLY. I go ask for the light...usually fuck up trying to get the thing even started, and the proceed to nod (a thank you nod) with the smoke in my mouth. This ignites a rush of water flowing from my bloodshot eyes cause the smoke is eating my eyeballs. I find myself doing this all the time when I smoke cigs. Especially when I drive. Amateur smokers can you feel me? I leave it in the mouth when I talk to people and then start making the ugliest squinting face you can imagine. I look just like this guy: http://www.kvbombers.com/Bob%20Brown%20squinting.JPG . God I am FUCKING smooth.

Some of you have seen War of the Worlds and there is something that is very odd at one point in this film. Cruise gets sucked into an ASSHOLE like contraption in the bottom of the alien spaceship. The scene was so sexual and I am not exactly sure why Spielberg put in in the film. I understand he was going for the whole organic material crossed with man made material for his spaceships, but this was blatant. Tom Cruise got eaten by a giant alien asshole and made an explosion inside of it. Say that last sentence to anyone who asks you what you thought of War of the Worlds. It's a completely true statement, and sums it all up to a T.