Wednesday, November 23, 2005


The New MJ

The Sixers aquired Forward Lee Nailon
this offseason, and he comes off the bench and does some dirty work for us when the starters are resting their pulsating lungs. He averaged a team high 14 points for the New Orleans Hornets last season so it was a good pickup, but he carries a ghost with him from last season. That would be the ghost of Philly's own Marc Jackson . Why does he carry this ghost around like Slimer driving the bus in Ghostbusters you might ask? Because he feels the need to shoot the second the fucking ball touches his hands. He is shooting 50% from the field but only averages about 13 mintues per game. This is not a bad thing, but would it decline with more minutes? Marc Jackson did it because he couldn't help it. Lee is different. He has the Carlton Banks syndrome.
Many of you might remember the episode of the Fresh Prince when Carlton was jealous of Will because he was dominating hardwood at their Bel Air Prep school. The real reason that Will was dominating was because he was playing on Michael J Fox's team from Teen Wolf, and on 8 foot rims.
ANYWAY... back to the fateful episode when Carlton predicted the career of Lee Nailon. Bel Air prep was playing their rivals, who looked like the team from HANG TIME (a saturday morning show on NBC in the 90's that was ludicrous because they were coached by Reggie Theus and a girl was their leading scorer) . The Hang Time team was a group of "John Stockons" because their shorts were revealing and they we wearing LA Gears.
The whole game Will is ball hogging and dunking on the Stockons like Pee Wee Kirkland in a prison leage game, but one person in that arena wasn't cheering. That person was Carlton. So with about 5 seconds on the clock Bel Air Prep is down by one and calls time. The play is called for Will of course. Carlton grimaces like Scottie Pippen when they told Kukoc to take the final shot.
The play begins, Will is at the top of the key with ball in hand, and low and behold it's stolen. Not by Hang Time, but by Carlton! Carlton rips the ball out of Will's hands and decides that he is going to take the final shot. Will raises his arms in astonishment as he watches what transpires. In the most unathletic fashion imaginable Carlton launches a bomb from the three point line. The ball doesn't even touch the backboard. It just bounces off the wall of the gym and dramatically falls to the floor. Uncle Phil is utterly disgusted in both of the boys as his fat head shakes above that sweater that was always hanging from his shoulders.
Lee Nailon has that Carlton look in his eye as soon as he checks in. One of these days he is going to run over to Kevin Ollie, rip the ball out of his hands and throw it against the scoreboard causing an shower of sparks to fall on the floor of the Wachovia Center. Bill Walton will be doing the game and say, "This is the SADDEST day in the NBAAAAAAA." Mo Cheeks will play Uncle Phil shaking his head in disgust as Kevin Ollie raises his arms in astonishment. I love this game.

Ms Jones sent this link:


KC said...

if you are not going to post anything at least get the new my morning jacket album entitled "Z"

jackbrizzity said...

I loved that episode. The good player on the other team had a hell of skater cut. And those Japanese inventors are always up to no good.

Umugore said...

will smith annoys me. he's too...clean or something.

Maine said...

That Hang Time show drove me nuts. Like, wouldn't any of those players be like, "Um, I'm being completely outplayed by a teenaged girl who takes around 12 minutes to get off a single shot and defends by waving her arms in the air like Naughty By Nature? I'm so taking the leadership of this team back."

Plus? Reggie Theus, man. Why not just bring Terry Catledge on the show to play the school's athletic director?

KC said...

I know maine...that show drove me nuts as well...BUT i obviously watched it