Wednesday, November 02, 2005

There is no modern romance

Halloween is an amazing holiday because people feel if they aren't dressed as themselves then there is no reason to act like themselves. If a study was done on how many "non-dancers" dance when they are out for halloween the number of "non-dancers" would greatly diminish. The dance floor at a bar or party on Halloween is reminiscent to the graveyard scene in the Thriller video. As soon as the music starts all the zombies get a little kick in their step. The undead start to shake and jiggle and when they hear Michael's voice and it's all over. The night has begun and you are going to stay on that dance floor, and try to get the chick who is dressed up as Tinkerbell to bob for apples with you late night. Why not dance if you are dressed like a ghoul?
If you have a costume that is original and somewhat subtle you have done the holiday some service. All the girls who wear the black cat ears on their heads...you need a new costume. Leave that costume to the 3rd grade English teacher to wear to school during the holiday season. The Hooters outfit on girls and guys needs to go as well. The mullet wig, cut off jeans, and Gwar t-shirts need to be put to rest. Why not start wearing tight BLACK jeans and one of those shirts that changes colors when you touch it. Now that is a good white trash/sweaty dude outfit. Come one people come up with something new!

Here are some Haloween suggestions for next year for you fools:

JOHN MCLANE FROM DIE HARD: all you need is a wife beater, khakis, scruffy beard and no shoes. If you really want to be creative tape a gun to your back.

SUPERMAN: Classic costume that isn't used as much as it should be. You get to wear a cape too. Too many Batmans this year.

DAVID BOWIE: Another costume that is easy...just wear ALOT of makeup...especially eyeliner. You can even wear a shirt and tie, and still pull off Bowie.

STEVE ZISSOU (or any member of team Zissou): This is what I wore this year. It's easy because all you need is blue pants and a shirt and a red skull cap. Not many people knew who I was but those who did loved it.

LAWRENCE TAYLOR: Just need a jersey and some football pants. This guy is such a character to begin with that once you tell people you are the former hooker ordering deviant you will garner instant respect. Speaking of crackheads....

TYRONE BIGGUMS: This is another easy costume. Just wear dirty smelly clothes and eat a powdered doughnut. You will look like Chapelle in no time and will be the hit of the party.

GHOSTBUSTERS: You need to put ALOT of work into this costume, but if you pull it off you are a legend.

RON BURGUNDY: Grow a moustache and wear a turtleneck and sportcoat...that simple.

NINO BROWN: Just dress in some fly 80's gear...silk shirt, double breasted sportcoat, black pants and sunglasses. You can actually get three cotumes from New Jack City. Pooky could be done if you wear and american flag button up shit and look like a crackhead. G-Money could be done just like Nino, BUT distinguish yourself with a gunshot wound. Remember Nino Brown killed his own brother. Right before he shot him he proclaims, "AM I MY BROTHERS KEEPER!" Great overacting in that scene.

There you go. Now no one will know who you are next October 31st.

6 comments:

KC said...

I know it is past halloween...give me some love kids

madison's favorite son said...

in a sober moment i stood there talking to this girl (i.e. trying to get laid) and i explaiend that people often wear a part of their personality they wish others would notice more often. so the plain girls in all black and with whips- they want to get fucked way more often and seen as sexual beings. and the guys dancing with disco wigs- they sing in the shower and dance in front of the mirror when nobody is home. it is sad.

KC said...

You dont sing rhett miller in the shower?

FD said...

And what were YOU for Halloween? No cat ears here... I was "Mommy Dearest". Last year I was a "dirty cop", but don't read too much into it. Hee hee

madison's favorite son said...

i'm a big follow along singer. it turns out when the song is off i can't recall the lyrics. it is sad.

KC said...

Anastasia Beaverhausen....best name ever man.
Madison: that's that weed kid...making you forget the lyrics..that what happens when you burn blunts with the mentally challenged