Saturday, June 09, 2007

Every Spark Of Friendship And Love Will Die Without A Home

Ohhh the shore. We will all be filling our duffel bags with deodorant and underwear as 85% percent of the young heads in Philadelphia head to the Jersey shore for the weekend until the summer closes. We can't wait to fight through traffic in anticipation of something that we have seen a million times before. It's like the green light from The Great Gatsby. Our attention doesn't waver as we stare across the bay, but when we get there we see the same sweaty scene as people spray Miller Lite on their friends to the Journey song blasting from above.

The Jersey shore will thrill its visitors until the end of time, and its visitors will never lose faith in their beloved getaway. They will continue to throw cash into a damp shore house as a 'weekend only' participant. They will shine their sunglasses and wash their board shorts. They will look for love and get tickets for peeing in public, which will turn into a great story for a hungover breakfast. People will post 'U GOING TO THE SHORE ?' on MySpace pages when they start to get the shore fever in their cubicles as the work week comes to a close.

Cover bands sponsored by Budweiser will dominate the shore circuit as people request songs from the 80's and early 90's that are already played on repeat in ever bar in the country. Bon Jovi and Poison will get heavy rotation as shots are downed and lips are wiped. The lifeguards will walk around the bar like a blond, curly haired fraternity, who believe that they rule the school.

You will without a doubt run into people from high school and grade school to be followed by awkward “what are you up to these days” conversations.

The girls will rock their latest bright colored tight tops as the dudes don their latest Salvation Army t-shirt. People will dance and the beer flows until everyone makes their way to the streets for the drunken slice of pizza. The guys will try their best to woo women back to their place that houses about 15 dudes, but is only built for three people.

Maybe the outside shower will be a prime spot to get that much needed hook-up? Such a class move. Just take her out back, open that creaky door and lead her into the musty darkness. She will respect herself in the morning when she wakes up on your dirty kitchen floor in a sweaty tank top stained with Jagermeister. She will leave the house full of vigor and become the topic of conversation as you work on your tan at the beach the next day.

“Did you see that chick I made out with last night bro?”

“I don’t know browski I was pretty blacked.”

“Well so was she. In fact she was so blacked that she smoked my pole in the outside shower!”

(High fives ensue)

You soak in the rays and think about the amount of gel that is to be applied to your hair as the sun hides beneath the ocean. What striped button-up shirt should you wear? Will people like your new sandals? Is there a special on Miller Lites this evening? Is blacking out as I dance to arena rock really worth it? Of course it is bro. So is driving to the shore to drink, be sweet, dance, sweat, and do the same shit every weekend.

3 comments:

J. said...

YES !!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Poison and 'Jovi! HAHAHAH! The staples of the Joisey shore. I lived in Seaside Heights for a while so I've seen the invasion from the other side! Great writing man! Keep it up!

catie said...

Were you following me last summer? Ha, even though this pretty much defines the goings on of the shore...I will continue to bow to the Avalon Gods...God, I can't wait till summer :)