I got my MOJO back baby OH BEHAVE

T-Bone's Lament
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Gator wranglers from Florida have abruptly quit their search for the city's elusive 7-foot alligator, livid that they were publicly ridiculed by a brash Hurricane Katrina evacuee that a councilwoman brought in to help nab the reptile.
Thomas "T-Bone" Quinn described as "retarded" the tactics employed by the wranglers from Orlando-based Gatorland. He made his comments on Saturday after being escorted by Councilwoman Janice Hahn to Ken Molloy Harbor Regional Park in South Los Angeles, where the gator dubbed Reggie has inhabited a lake for at least two months.
"I am not going to allow Gatorland to be referred to as 'retarded,' " Gatorland team leader Ted Williams said Monday. "I will not allow some swamp rat to walk into a situation and make comments about Gatorland and this team. We conducted ourselves in a professional manner."
Williams also accused Hahn of playing him "like a little puppet" for political purposes.
Hahn said Monday that she was surprised by Williams' reaction. Quinn, a 47-year-old Gulf Coast pipe fitter, apologized for his remarks and all of the men seemed to be getting along by Saturday night, she said.
"I thought it wouldn't hurt to have somebody else's advice," said Hahn, who praised Gatorland's efforts. "The only agenda I have is catching Reggie and I thought this was an opportunity to give this evacuee something to do."
City officials said they needed to do a background check and decide whether he could work without liability insurance. They also were worried by Quinn's graphic descriptions of how he usually stabs alligators in the brain to kill them.

WOW. Right off the bat I am not entirely shocked that the gentleman who stabs the alligators in the brain to kill them prefers to be called "T-Bone." Second...If there was a 7 foot alligator running loose in my town I wouldn't call him Reggie. I would call him..."THE FUCKING 7 FOOT ALLIGATOR THAT IS RUNNING LOOSE IN MY TOWN." Or maybe I would call him Mortimer...one or the other. Another thing that got me was the fact that the councilwoman thought sending a Katrina evacuee into a swamp to help catch an alligator was a good idea. How did she explain this to the evacuee? "Listen we know that everything you owned is now GONE...sooo we are going to send you into the swamp to help catch an alligator with good ol' T-Bone." She felt that she was giving them something to do? This world is filled with people making great decisions.

SOME BATHROOM ADVICE

The idea of the sensor flush toilet is wonderful because we don't have to touch the handle when we're all done. You do your business, stand up, put your trousers back in place, and you're good to go. No need to touch that cold metal handle that is covered with germs that were drawn out in our elementary school science textbooks. The only problem is it can work too hard sometimes.
For instance when you want to put that paper protector on the toilet seat you can run into some trouble. The sensor on the toilet becomes confused by the movement and will sometimes steal your butt nest. You gently place the sheet on the seat when you go to make the move to sit down...BAM...you paper cover is gone. You shrug it off and try to place the paper again and then FLOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH. You're immediately 0-2 and a bit discouraged. This is when you get into stealth mode. You need to trick that red blinking light into thinking that no one is in the stall. Make that automatic flush not so automatic. The best move is to come in from the side. This move is much easier in the handicap stall because the amount of room in those things. Pull the paper from the dispenser and quickly move to the side...place the paper on the seat, and BOOM make the move, sit down, and you are incredbily happy.
It also helps the other bathroom patrons perception of you. You don't want them think that you are dropping such a tremendous bomb that you need to flush 3 times in a 30 second span. So all you have to do is become a bit more crafty. Remember always come in from the side.