Saturday, March 10, 2007

Heart's colors changed like leaves


I saw a kid walking through Old City today with a t-shirt that read: I fart in your general direction. I wanted to punch him in the face.

I am BLOWN AWAY by the way people walk across the street when a car is coming towards them. I feel some people walk slower when a car is about to hit them. They "up their strut." If that makes any sense. I want to punch them all in the face.

The high school kids who use to food cart in front of my office, and talk to the guy inside like he is a complete asshole. "HEY OLD HEAD. I SAID WELL DONE OLD HEAD!" "DAMN OLD HEAD I AINT PAYING EXTRA FOR NO TOASTED BAGEL! YOU CRAZY!" All of these kids need to be punched in the face several times.

The people who feed the pigeons. They need to be covered with honey and then have bird seed dumped all over them and left under a bridge in West Philadelphia. Just like Home Alone 2: Lost In The City Of Dreams.

The homeless guy who complains that the cigarette I just lent him is not a Newport. He needs to be punched in the face (while wearing a latex glove).

Out-of-shape people who talk about working out all the time. I don't give a shit how hard your spin class was last night or how many miles you ran the other day. These people need to be punched in the gut while doing a sit-up.

People who incorporate global warming into small talk. All global warming is anymore is an extension of small talk. People who have nothing to say to you on the elevator will say something like, "Glad I brought my gloves today…it's FREEZING. (then the kicker) SO MUCH FOR GLOBAL WARMING!" I know weather is a go-to when you have nothing to say to someone you hardly know, and that's acceptable; however stop adding the global warming line at the end. "Man it's really hot out today for March. THAT AL GORE WAS RIGHT ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING!" People who bring up global warming while 'small-talking' should be struck across the head with a weathervane.

Some camera phone picks of the OF MONTREAL show at the Troc that my buddy Teddy Hef took. The show was a blast despite the hipster overload.


J. said... said the of mont. show was awesome as well

jackbrizzity said...

great post bro. There should be a weekly newspaper listing of people who deserve to be punched in the face.

elle_rigby said...

Also, punching people in the face who start fires in their hotel rooms by setting their boxers on fire.